


Phantom Of The School Opera

by AngelsFallFirst



Category: Nightwish
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-03-09 07:16:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 38,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18912151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsFallFirst/pseuds/AngelsFallFirst
Summary: Tarja hated him, Tuomas secretly loved her.And because of the school musical they came closer ...





	1. Chapter 1

Tuomas Holopainen, shy, silent and sparing of words. Yet talented, definitely. No one really knew a lot about him, everyone would always say the same if anyone ever asked about Tuomas:  
Shy. Smart. Talented. Quiet. Silent waters are deep.  
Tuomas Holopainen, almost eighteen years old, senior year.  
He would study biology after high school, a university in Helsinki had already accepted him - probably the best natural scientific university in the south of Finland.  
But Tuomas never really talked about it, only when teachers asked him directly. And also then he would reply quietly, looking around, checking if people looked at him - especially checking if Tarja looked at him.  
Tarja Turunen.  
Ever since he had laid eyes on her, he had been enchanted.  
Too bad she was one of _them._  
And not only one of them, she was even the leader of the gang.  
What a gang ... the gang of bitches.  
That was how everyone called the holy trinity of Tarja's clique, which was the perfect herself, the super perfect and superficial exchange student Alva and the dumb but not less perfect Suki.  
Everyone called them _perfect_ as if it was something bad but Tarja was really perfect. In Tuomas' eyes.  
She used to be a class beneath him but she was so smart, that her teachers had offered her to take another class, Spanish. Now she didn't only speak perfect English and almost perfect Dutch, German and Swedish, she also spoke Spanish pretty well. After half a year her teachers decided to let her skip the year before the last year and put her right into the senior year class. And there she had immediately grabbed the two dumbest and most beautiful human beings and made them their thrall.  
So Tarja wasn't only really, really pretty; she was also really, really smart. It seemed like she never needed to make an effort, everyone immediately loved her and everyone would give her anything.  
Sadly Tarja was anything else but nice and she used the guys like toys.  
Only in the last few months she had played with Max, Kristian and Toni (and more?) and had even tried to seduce little Emppu - Tuomas' best friend. Tuomas hated himself for it but he hadn't talked to Emppu for two weeks, even though Emppu had rejected her.  
"I know you like her, I would never touch her!" he promised his best friend literally every day. "Please just forget that incident!"  
But Tuomas would only bury his head in his crossed arms on the desk and try not to cry.  
Not because Tarja had flirted with Emppu ... and almost every other guy besides him.  
No, it was because she really, really seemed to hate Tuomas.  
But that would change soon.

One special day she came in, her long, black hair silky as always. There was a flowery hair pin holding back a few strands of her beautiful hair, giving a better sight on her edgy face.  
Tuomas loved her face shape so, so much.  
And her green eyes.  
They wandered around the class room and stayed on him.  
Her lips curled and Tuomas' heart sank.  
Why was she so unrealistically beautiful?  
"Hello, shy guy," she called in a voice that was not hers, when bullying someone, her beautiful and soft voice changed into a whiny and annoying one. Sadly Tuomas wasn't the only person she bullied, there was Jukka, whom she made fun of because of his looks. But Jukka was cool. He didn't care. Then there was a nerdy girl called Katriina, who really suffered from Tarja's sharp tongue. But Katriina at least had other friends.  
And then there was Tuomas ...  
Shy, quiet and with only one friend. Tuomas, who never fought back. He was an easy victim to pick on and sadly Tarja seemed to love this even more.  
"Didn't your mommy teach you how to talk?" Tarja said to Tuomas and crossed her arms. "Or at least tell you that staring with an open mouth looks extremely dumb? Really, Tuomas. Better close your mouth or you'll swallow flies."  
"Talking about dumb," Emppu chipped in, "then you better look at your friend Suki. I think she confused her pen with the lipstick."  
He pointed over to blonde as hell Suki, who was currently writing today's assignments with her blood red lipstick.  
"Yeah, that girl is brain dead," Tarja sighed. "Whatever, she makes me look smarter."  
"You are smart ..." Tuomas mumbled but Tarja didn't react. Maybe she hadn't heard him, she simply went on like nothing.  
"Luckily you have a friend like Emppu who saves you from mean girls like me." Tarja smiled so broadly, that Tuomas had to swallow. "At least -," she went on, as suddenly their teacher called her name.  
"Turunen! Come over here."  
Tarja swallowed - she hadn't noticed her.  
Tuomas watched his beautiful bully walking over to the teacher's desk. "Sorry, Tiia," she said in her sweetest voice. The way that usually made teachers love her - but Tiia-Maria Ruutu was different.  
She was Tuomas' favourite teacher, because she wasn't only teaching maths, she also lead the choir and the musical group at the school, in which Tuomas both participated.  
"What were you doing over there?" Tiia asked and Tarja shrugged.  
"Lending a pen? We all forgot our pens today, look at Suki! She's writing with her lipstick!"  
"I don't think you were doing that," Tiia said loudly. "I think you were trying to pick on Tuomas again."  
Suddenly everyone was listening and Tuomas wished he would dissolve into air right now, so no one would ever see him again.  
"Pick on ...? Pardon me?"  
"Tarja," Tiia said slowly. "You're a very smart girl and pretty, really pretty. So why are you doing this? Making another person's life a living hell?"  
"I don't -," Tarja started but Tiia's look scared her. "Okay. It's just ... a hobby."  
"A hobby, hm? To make another person's life a living hell? Can I try too?" Tiia was grinning.  
"Try? How?"  
"Well ... do you know _The_ _Phantom_ _Of The Opera?_ "  
"The musical?" Tarja asked. "Sure, who doesn't?"  
"Great! You're playing one of Carlotta's maids. We're rehearsing every Wednesday at seven, you know where."  
"Wait ... what?" Tarja called. "But that's a thing for nerds!"  
"Then welcome in the nerdy life," Tiia said, smiling a bright smile. "You'll soon be best friends with the nerds, maybe even one of them! Oh, that's wonderful. And don't worry, as one of the side parts, you won't have to say nor sing a lot. People won't even pay attention to you - I thought you wouldn't like that. Anyway, for every day you're not coming to rehearsals, I will note down a negative review about participating, which will definitely destroy your perfect grades, perfect school report and your even more perfect life. And I don't care that you only got one song and a few lines, you're coming every day. As everyone of us." Tiia sighed and then smiled broadly. "You were right - this is fun. Now go back to your seat."  
"But -" Tarja started.  
"BACK TO YOUR SEAT!" Tiia bellowed and Tarja almost sprinted back to her seat.  
For the rest of the lesson her look was icy and she wasn't glaring at Tiia.  
She was glaring at Tuomas.

"It was amazing, huh?" Emppu was hyperventilating. "How she talked to Tarja. That girl really needed it."  
"It was mean," Tuomas sighed. He was lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. "And now she's in the musical. Means I have to see her on Wednesday evening too ..."  
"It won't be that bad," Emppu promised. "Tiia will be there too. And some others, you won't be alone. And you're not singing, you're only playing the piano, so she can't make fun of you."  
"True. But I won't be able to say anything ... not a word."  
"Dude, you don't say much anyway," Emppu chuckled but Tuomas shook his head.  
"It's different in the group. Tiia and the others are really nice. They know the won't be able to have a performance without the piano player."  
"Maybe. Or maybe they really like you." Emppu leant back. "Dude - that is your chance to talk to Tarja! Maybe find out why she hates you?"  
"I'm not suicidal!" Tuomas sat up on his bed. "Tarja ... I will never be able to talk to her." He started kneading his hands. "When I see her, I get so nervous. I feel like I need to vomit and I can't look at her, my hands start shaking and my ears start glowing ..."  
"You're really in love, man," Emppu sighed. "Maybe she does feel the same? That's why she bullies you. To hide her feelings."  
Tuomas snorted. "Sure."  
"Hey, why else should she flirt with me?" Emppu laughed.  
"Because you're charming?" Tuomas buried his face in his hands again. "You're funny and popular ..."  
"And girls love class clowns. Nope, she did it to hurt you."  
"Let's not talk about her anymore," Tuomas mumbled and lay back on his bed. "Do you still want to be the lead singer of my band?"  
"Are you joking? Of course!" Emppu jumped up and down.  
"Okay. You think you'll manage both playing the guitars and singing?"  
"Of course man, I'm multitalented." Emppu grabbed his guitar. "Shall I show you?"  
"I believe you. So now we have you on the guitars and vocals, me on the keys and Jukka as a drummer. Now we only lack a bassist ..."  
"We could try without bass for the beginning," Emppu though. "Just to check if we are even good. I mean, I can sing but it's not _that_ special. Hobbylike, maybe. But not in a special way."  
"That's fine, I'm not planning to make us play on stages and stuff. I just want us to try out my songs ..." Tuomas there a look at his open drawer, where the song ideas already literally fell out.  
"You should add Katriina into the band!" Emppu randomly said. "Tarja would love to see us play."  
"You're stupid," Tuomas only managed to say. The imagination of Tarja watching them play live made him even more nervous. How she would look at him when he was giving everything on the keyboard ... singing along to his babies, his songs. Probably all sweaty and exhausted ...  
Maybe she would finally stop picking on him, then. Or more ... maybe Emppu was right, maybe she liked him and after watching them play live, she would pull him close and kiss him ...  
No.  
No she really did hate him and Tuomas feared Wednesday like nothing else. The only time at school he was safe from her, the only time at school he could exit his comfort zone.  
And now she took even that from him ...

Nonetheless Wednesday came.  
Tarja had given Tuomas mean looks every day and Tuomas already thought of not going to rehearsals. Tiia would understand him, but at the same time he wanted to go. He wanted to watch Tarja sing and act on stage. And he wanted to watch Tiia giving her hell if she didn't toe the line.  
So he went there. And as always, he was the first. He needed to warm up first, everyone else could do that at home, but Tuomas needed to come to school for it, since the piano and keyboards were different to play. Two totally different musical instruments for him.  
That day Tiia wasn't the second one though. Usually she was, since she had the key for the auditorium and she knew that Tuomas was there at half past six already.  
But this time she just didn't show up. At ten to seven she still wasn't there and the worst, Tarja appeared before everyone else.  
"Oh, great," she said as she spotted Tuomas. "I wish I had come later."  
Tuomas didn't reply and was glad that the rest of the group showed up only a few seconds after that.  
And at one minute to seven, Tiia finally came. "Sorry, I had to do something. Everyone here?" Her look stayed at Tarja. She was the only person who really needed to be here. "Good. Let's start."

Towards the end and after watching almost everyone else sing, Tarja finally got her notes and was told to just stand somewhere behind the other maids.  
"It's your first time, so you don't have to be perfect," Tiia said, sounding as sweet and nice as usually. Tarja frowned and placed herself behind Elina Julku. "Just listen to the song and then try to sing along," the teacher continued, as Tarja finally spoke.  
"I can read notes, Tiia. I can sing immediately, if you want me to."  
"Oh?" Tiia raised er brows. "Well then, go ahead. Sing along."  
Tiia told Tuomas to start playing. He did and while he played, he looked up and caught Tarja's look. She was rolling her eyes at him.  
Tuomas' heart jumped. If she sang well?  
... the answer was yes.  
Tuomas pressed the wrong keys as she started singing, louder and way more beautiful than anyone else.  
Soon she was the only one singing, which startled her and she stopped.  
"Tarja!" Tiia said in surprise and started clapping. Everyone joined, Tuomas included. "That was wonderful! Why didn't I know you could sing like that?"  
"Because I like to keep it a secret," Tarja said. "It's just a hobby."  
"Well ... do you want to have a better role in the musical?" Tiia asked carefully. "How about Carlotta herself? She has a bigger role and Sofiia didn't really want to play her anyway."  
"That's true," Sofiia said quickly. "I was only chosen because I had the second best voice. After Anna."  
Anna, who was playing Christine, looked at the teacher. "What if Tarja played as Christine?" she asked. "I could play Carlotta, it's not bad ..."  
"Woah," Tarja said. "I don't want to play Christine. Really. Carlotta is fine."  
"So it's settled. Sorry, Sofiia, and thank you for offering, Anna. Tarja, come here and you'll get your new notes and text. Now you have a real reason to come to every rehearsal, eh?"  
Tarja went over to Tiia and Tuomas, grabbing her new notes.  
"What a wonderful voice," Tiia said to her. "Don't you agree, Tuomas?"  
Tuomas just nodded.  
Wonderful voice? The understatement of the year.  
He was speechless, this time completely.  
She was breathtaking, amazing and ... an angel. An angel of music ...  
Tuomas went home after rehearsal, completely taken aback.  
He didn't think he could love Tarja even more than he already did but she had showed him.  
His angel of music ...


	2. Chapter 2

"How's the school musical going?" Kirsti Holopainen asked her son as he came home from rehearsing in the evening. His mind was still turning and he just couldn't stop thinking about his dark haired angel of music.   
"Fine," he answered. "Okay, I think. It's going well. We have a new Carlotta and ... she's amazing. Her voice ... wow." His eyes became cloudy again and his mother smiled.  
"I can't wait to watch it," she replied knowingly. That Carlotta-girl seemed to be something special to her son - Tuomas usually never talked about school mates, let alone girls.   
"Yes - mother. About that." Tuomas sighed. "After the performance ... just promise me _highly_ not to talk to her. Okay?"  
"I'm not allowed to talk to your school mates?" Kirsti asked, raising her brow. "Are you ashamed of me?"  
"No, that's not it," Tuomas replied. "Just don't talk to _her_. Carlotta's actress. She's different than the others, she's kind of ... complicated. Promise me, okay?"  
"Of course I promise, Tuomas," Kirsti replied. How strange it was.  
Kirsti had been to some concerts of his orchestra and performances of his drama group and had also spoken to his fellow students already. Many times, actually. What was different with this girl, that she wasn't allowed to talk to her? She could only find one explanation for his strange behaviour - Tuomas liked her.

Tuomas stared on his ceiling again - as always when he thought about Tarja. But this time it was different, worse even. Tarja was not only the most beautiful human being he had ever laid eyes on, no, she was also the most beautiful human being with the most gorgeous voice he had ever hard before.  
He wanted her, craved her, needed her.  
Tuomas' heart was aching. Why did she hate him so much? If she could just feel indifferent about him, that would be way better. If she just didn't know that he existed.  
Tuomas grabbed his pillow and pressed it on his face.  
Why did she have to change grade and why did it have to be his class?  
And if Tuomas only found a way to get over this whole situation ...  
All of a sudden he was wide awake. He did have a way to get over it! It wasn't a good idea and it certainly would only work for a few minutes ... but it would not only help him, also his band (or future band) would take profit of it.  
Excitedly he took his his notepad and pen and started writing.

The next day he could only think about the song he had written.  
He was smiling lightly all the way to school already, making everyone on the bus wonder what had happened to him. Usually Tuomas only listened to his strange gothic metal music on the bus, frowning as if his mother had cancelled his pocket money forever.  
He didn't even notice Emppu first, as he got in on the bus and sat next to him.  
"Hey dude. You awake?"  
Emppu nudged his shoulder and Tuomas winced.  
"Oh - hey. Haven't seen you."  
"Nor heard me," Emppu laughed and then he leaned in, whispering, "How was yesterday?"  
"It was ... wow. I can't find words ..."  
"Tell me everything!" Emppu said and jumped up and down on his seat. "Now!"  
But Tuomas shook his head. Tarja wasn't on the same bus because she came from the other side, from Puhos, but Tuomas didn't want to talk about her, as long as there were people who knew her too.  
"Why are you smiling like that?" Emppu raised a brow at him. "Did you talk? Is she actually nice??"  
"No, we didn't talk. We did have eye contact but that's not it. Something happened and I ... I wrote a new song."  
Emppu gasped. "Can I see it?"  
"I left it at home, of course," Tuomas answered.  
"But it's about her?" Emppu whispered and Tuomas weighed his head.  
"Fifty-fifty."  
"And the other fifty per cent? Don't tell me it's about Tiia!"  
Emppu looked so shocked, Tuomas had to laugh. Also a very rare thing.  
"No. The other fifty are about her voice. But that's all I will say for now."  
Tuomas turned away from his friend and continued staring out of the window, daydreaming about Tarja, her voice, his songs and how she finally realised that Tuomas was a funny and lovable guy.   
He had never been excited arriving at school, especially not in the last months. But he knew it would be different now. It had to be.  
Tiia would have an eye on Tarja, so she couldn't annoy him. And somehow he had the feeling that he and her shared a secret now. Sure, a few others knew about her secret too, but Tuomas was one of them. One of the fifteen students and one teacher of the whole school who knew ... and the only one of this class.  
If she would look at him? Roll her eyes at him again, like yesterday? Or even smile?  
He straightened his back as she came in, her wonderful hair in a ponytail, her beautiful lips deep red. Tuomas' heart started racing, but sadly she didn't even look at him.  
"Tarja, hi!" Alva called.  
"Oh, thank god you're here!" Tarja hurried over to her friends and hugged them shortly. "I need to tell you so much."  
"You could have called us," Suki replied and Tuomas could hear that she was sulking.  
"Calm down, Suki, I was busy," Tarja replied and Alva gasped.  
"Don't tell me you were at Janne's house yesterday!"  
"Guilty," Tarja giggled and Tuomas felt his heart breaking slowly. Why was she like that?  
"And ...? How was it? Tell us every detail!" Suki squealed.  
"Please not!" Iivari, another guy of the class called and earned a few nods in affirmation.  
"Okay, later," Tarja told her friends. "But about that musical thing - it's quite okay."  
Tuomas smiled. So she didn't think it was bad, which was good.  
But Tarja wasn't done yet.  
"Though the people there are freaks. All of them. I won't talk to any of them and just wait until it's over. The performance is in April, so it's only seventeen times of rehearsing or something ..."  
Tuomas stared at the blackboard sternly. If he could only stand up and walk away ...  
"That sounds horrible," Alva said and Tarja sighed.  
"It's bearable. If I don't talk to anyone. Anyway, you two have to come to the performance."  
"Are you crazy?" Suki asked. "I definitely won't - ouch, Alva! That hurt."  
"Don't listen to the fish brain. We'll come."  
Tuomas didn't want to listen anymore. He had thought so much about it and had never thought that Tarja would call them _freaks._ Or that she wouldn't talk to them.  
Why freaks? What had they done? Nothing!  
"Good morning," their English teacher interrupted his thoughts. Finally something to take his mind off Tarja. And for the rest of the school day he wasn't thinking about Tarja's insulting words nor her ignoring behaviour towards him.  
And as soon and Tuomas and Emppu got out of the bus later, Emppu asked again.  
"Okay. Now you can tell me. So what's up with Tarja? What did you want to tell me?"  
"Oh. She ... did you hear what she said today?" Tuomas didn't look at his friend as they walked over to his house.  
"Sure. You're all freaks. Tell us something new, Tarja, everyone knows you drama guys are freaks. And you're the freak-boss, 'cause you're in the drama club _and_ the orchestra _and_ the chess club. And you like studying. Damn. You're definitely a freak, Tuo."  
Now the young musician smiled. "Okay, you're right. So what I wanted to tell you ..." He opened the door of his house. "Come in, Emppu. Are you hungry?"  
"Stop that and tell me! Now!" Emppu called and stomped his foot on the ground.  
Tuomas sighed. "Tarja ... she's the best singer I've ever heard. Her voice is beyond amazing, it's just so pure and she has a really high range ... she'd actually ... she would be perfect as singer in my band. Especially for the song I wrote yesterday ..."  
"Woah, man. You sure that her voice is horrible and you don't only say that because you lov-?"  
"Hi, mother!" Tuomas called. He really didn't want his mother to know that he loved a girl. Especially not if the girl was Tarja.  
"Hello, boys," Kirsti replied and stuck her head out of the kitchen. "I hope you're hungry, Erno."  
"Mhh, you know me. I'm always hungry." Emppu was the first to sit down and Tuomas chuckled.  
"By the amount of what you eat you should already be two metres high."  
"My doctor says I could still grow," Emppu replied casually. "That's why I eat so much. I'm only helping."  
"Emp, your dad isn't that tall either. So don't keep your hopes up."  
"Tuomas, be nice," Kirsti reproached her son as she carried the pot with spaghetti to the dining table. "He's in your band."  
"And your only friend," Emppu added.  
"Right." Tuomas sighed and Kirsti patted her son's shoulder.  
"And what about Tarja?"  
"Tarja??" Emppu called and ignored Tuomas' _shhhh_. "She's not a friend. Really not. She's more of an an enemy than a friend."  
"Oh, I see," said Kirsti, really meaning it. So her son liked a girl that was his enemy? Poor him. But she really couldn't help him with that.  
"Means that I will sing in your band, then?" Emppu asked, his mouth full with pasta.  
"Uhm ... yeah. Sure. Who else should sing?" Tuomas avoided the eyes of his well knowing mother.  
"You sing, Erno?" Kirsti asked and looked away, much to Tuomas' happiness.  
"I do. Not that good but also not that bad. With lessons I could make it, I guess."  
"That's wonderful! So your band is complete now?"  
"Well, we are three now. Tuo and I and Jukka. But if I play the guitars while singing, one can call us a band. I mean, were not _ESC_ ready but -"  
"I would never join there anyway, not even if we got paid," Tuomas chipped in.  
"Yeah, man, me neither. Anyway, Jukka slays the drums, honestly," Emppu continued. "You should hear him, Kirsti, he's like in another world when he's drumming."  
"I can't wait to be your first listener," Kirsti said. "Too bad that Tarja is your enemy, if she really sings like you say, Tuomas -"  
" _Stop!_ " Tuomas suddenly shouted and jumped up. "Could you just - both of you - stop talking about Tarja? Please?"  
Both his mother and best friend looked at him in surprise. Tuomas literally had never, _never_ raised his voice before.  
"Sure," Kirsti said softly, but Tuomas was too upset now to sit down again. So he turned around and walked up to his room.  
"I should look after him," Kirsti sighed bit Emppu held her back.  
"I don't mean to interfere but you better leave him alone a bit. He has to calm down. Tarja is giving him a hard time."  
"He really likes her?" Kirsti asked doubtfully and Emppu nodded.  
"Oh yeah. It would be better if he didn't but love is a strange thing."  
"What's so bad about her?"  
"I think Tuomas himself should tell you that," Emppu replied and then they continued eating.

A few minutes later Emppu walked upstairs, carrying Tuomas bowl.  
"Your mother said I should force you to eat," he said before entering the room. "Can I come in?"  
"Sure," Tuomas said.  
Emppu entered and caught his friend clenching a sheet of paper. "Is that ...?"  
"The song. Yeah. Do you want to read it?"  
"That's why I came here, right?" Emppu said excitedly. "Here, I'll give you the noodles and you'll give me the sheet."  
They did as Emppu had said and while Tuomas ate, he watched his friend's eyes wander over the sheet. His mouth was opened lightly, as if he was astounded.  
A few minutes later he finished and looked at the songwriter. "Oh man. That's deep."  
"Deep?"  
"Yeah. I can ... I can literally feel your pain. The feelings are there, you see? Your former songs are all good but this one ... this one gives me chills."  
Tuomas smiled. "Thank you. At least my pain isn't unnecessary."  
"Are you going to write another one tonight?"  
"Maybe." Tuomas shrugged and put the bowl away. "I don't know. I have a lot of inspiration, that's true ..."  
"But?"  
"I don't know. I wish I could just stop thinking about Tarja."  
"I'm afraid you won't be able to stop thinking about her until the school year ends. Or until you realise you don't really like her that much. Or until you'll find another girl you like. A nicer one."  
Tuomas shook his head and fell back on his bed again.  
"This is really deep, Emppu. Like the song. It doesn't feel like it would fade away that easily, it doesn't feel like a crush only. I'm afraid I'm really in love with her."  
"That goes away, too," Emppu promised.  
"How can you know?" Tuomas closed his eyes. "I love her. And ... as strange as it sounds ... her teasing both hurts and excites me ..."  
"Ohhh," Emppu slapped his hands together. "Are you undressing her in your mind?"  
"Sometimes ..." Tuomas couldn't help but smile.  
In his mind he undressed her slowly, kissing every inch of newly exposed skin.  
In his mind he told her how much he loved her, before he showed her.  
And in his mind she loved him back.


	3. Chapter 3

_Friday_ _evening_

"Tarja, baby, you look _stunning!_ "  
Janne Paikkala pulled the younger girl into a hug and kissed her deeply.  
While Tarja's friends squealed and _awwed_ at them, Tarja herself was less happy about her boyfriend's effusive showing of affection. She pushed him away rather rudely.  
"Janne, not here in front of everyone ..."  
"Are you ashamed of me?" Janne growled and grabbed his girlfriend's arm.  
"No. But you're drunk and you reek of alcohol." Tarja raid and tried to push Janne away again but the way taller and older man didn't let her.  
"And? Can't stand a drunk boyfriend?" He leaned down and whispered into her ear, "I will make you happy tonight. Right after the party."  
Tarja paled lightly and backed away. "What do you mean?"  
"What do you think?" Janne grabbed Tarjas butt and pulled her against him again, sighing into her ear, "Damn, you are sexy. You make me so hard. Wanna feel it inside you now?"  
Tarja wasn't able to talk. In all those years she had flirted with boys and men, no one had dared to talk to her like Janne did.   
Respectless.  
Sure, there had been some guys who had hired on her and more or less asked her to join them in their apartments, rooms, dorms, whatever, but with Janne it was different. They were officially together for a _week_ now, only for a week, and Janne tried to get her into bed all the time. For more than a week already, basically ever since they had met. Tarja had had a hard job to convince him into a relationship. And now she was asking herself if it had been a smart thing to do.  
"First you get sober, then you can make me happy," Tarja replied, pushed him away and quickly returned to her friends, ignoring Janne's shouts.  
"He is sooo handsome," Suki sighed as their leader returned. "Have you slept with him yet?"  
"No and I won't do so soon. I first need to check if he's worth it." Tarja threw her hair back. "I'm not giving my body to everyone, Sooke. Despite you."  
Suki pushed her lower lip forward, sulking like a kid. "I don't do that either. Not anymore."  
"Not since last month, when you thought you were pregnant," Alva added and Tarja laughed.  
"Suki didn't have sex in a whole month? I can't believe it!"  
"I did have sex, just not with a potential baby maker," Suki shrugged it off.  
"Ahhh," Alva made, realising what Suki meant. "Is she here today?"  
"Wait, who?" Tarja stares at her friend. "I didn't know you were into girls?"  
"I'm not but sex is sex and she's hot," Suki said and Tarja facepalmed.  
"You're the best. Really. So, who is it?"  
"Her name is Irina. But she's not here." Suki took another sip of her drink. "And how would she, she's even older than Janne."  
"Oh my God, you're sleeping with a milf??" Tarja gasped and Suki rolled her eyes.  
"She's twenty-five. And I'm eighteen, so it's fine."  
"I was joking. I wanna meet her." Tarja and Alva exchanged a huge grin. Surely Suki, who was not into girls, would sleep with an older woman only because she was hot. She was dumb but not _that_ dumb.  
"So ... about Janne," Suki now changed the subject, "What do you mean that you first need to check if he's worth it? You had sex before."  
"You don't get it, Suki," Tarja sighed. "I am ... damn, there's a word for what I am. I can't sleep with anyone before we've started a real connection."  
"You have a connection," Suki said. "Your relationship."  
"Aaaand you just drank away your last piece of brain," Alva sighed and then helped Tarja out. "She means a deep connection, like love. She can't have one-night-stands, so she has only had sex with her ex boyfriends before. Is that right?"  
"One hundred per cent." Tarja sipped her drink. Talking about it made her feel uncomfortable - she had less relationships than she had told her friends. They knew about four at least - starting when she was only fourteen. In reality there was only one guy with whom she had been together about a year ago and only for two months. She had slept with him a few times in those two months, first time after a few days, and had always found it horrible. He had been rude and was done fast. Tarja wanted to wait but mostly guys didn't understand this.  
"So how do you do it with Irina? Fingers or vibrator?" Alva now asked Suki and Tarja stood up quickly.  
"I _really_ don't want to hear this," she excused herself and walked away.  
Seriously. How could Alva ask such a question? Sure, her friends were a year older than her and also had more experience ... Especially Suki.  
With a sigh she leant against the wall, sipped her coke again and watched her boyfriend.  
He was literally falling around to the music, thinking he was dancing.  
Tarja despised alcohol. She had tasted something at her birthday party last August and had instantly vomited.  
Same with smoking. Janne was cool, of course, and was smoking. Tarja had to leave the house when he did so - not the other way round. He didn't want to catch a cold.  
Asshole.  
"Hey."  
Tarja looked to the right and spotted a guy who looked familiar next to her.  
"Hi," she replied and looked back at Janne. What did he want?  
"I'm ... I'm Elias," the boy stuttered.  
"Ah," Tarja only said.  
"I'm in the drama club too."  
"Oh. Okay." Another nerd. Great.  
"I just wanted to tell you how absolutely great you are," Elias continued. "Your voice is seriously great. Are you going to be a singer?"  
"Hopefully." Now Tarja smiled at him.  
"Of course you will. If you follow that path." The boy inhaled. "Are you ... in my grade? Who's in your class?"  
"Uh ... do you know Alva and Suki? Those two over there." Tarja pointed at the giggling girls.  
"Yes, I actually do." Elias looked at her again. "So you're in Tuomas' class?"  
Tarja heart skipped a beat. "Tuomas Holopainen?"  
"Yeah. The piano man."  
"Uhm ... yes, I am. Why?" All of a sudden she felt very, very uncomfortable.  
"Just asking."  
"Why, you're his friend?" Tarja asked, her eyes piercing at the boy. That was what she really needed right now, a friend of Tuomas' judging her for teasing the shy guy.  
"No, not really. He doesn't really talk to anyone besides Tiia in the club, I don't know why. I guess he just thinks he's better than us. Well, his piano playing is out of this world but that's it. Strange dude."  
"He's shy, not strange," Tarja shot back in defence. Strangely she felt anger boiling up in her chest and she blamed Tuomas. But why did she defend him?  
"Let's not talk about him," Elias said. "Let's talk about you ... I've never seen you around these parties."  
"I'm here with ... my boyfriend."  
"Oh, who?" Elias asked and Tarja sighed, pointing at Janne.  
"That drunk guy? Wow ..."  
"Yeah. I better get him home now. He will regret everything tomorrow ..."  
Without another word she tore herself away from the wall and walked over to Janne, still confused about her strange reaction concerning Tuomas.  
_It's_ _because you hate him and you_ _don't_ _want to think of him in your free_ _time_ _,_ she told herself but didn't really believe it. Why on earth had she defended him??  
As she had reached Janne, she grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the dance floor.  
"Are you crazy?" Janne growled but Tarja pulled him out of the house, way from the party. "It's Friday, woman. I wanna make party."  
"Right. You already had enough party." Tarja pushed him against the bus stop. "Stay. Here."  
She turned around to look at the time table, checking if there was a bus coming soon and noticed that they had just missed one.  
"Damn it."  
"Huh?" Janne made.  
"We just missed a bus and the next one is going in forty minutes. We could walk, we'd be faster." She looked at her boyfriend. "Or not."  
Janne looked like he wouldn't be able to walk.  
She sighed. "So let's wait for the bus ... forty minutes in the cold. Maybe we should go back to the party and wait there."  
"Or," Janne mumbled and pulled her against him. "Let's have sex."  
"Here??" Tarja gasped. The bus stop was right next to the street and it was only eleven in the evening. There were enough cars still passing by.  
"No, you silly. At the party. I'm sure my friend has got a free room ..."  
Tarja thought quickly. This was better than waiting in the cold or waiting at the party and continue drinking. Maybe she was lucky and Janne would fall asleep before they could do something ...  
"Okay, let's get back."  
"Oh yes!" Janne threw his fist in the air. "You will see, I'm good in bed. And I know how to satisfy women."

Twenty minutes later Tarja was sitting on the edge of the bed, crying silently.  
Good in bed?  
He knew how to satisfy women?  
Tarja looked at the peacefully sleeping Janne, asking herself why she was such a masochist.  
First he had forcefully kissed her, pressed her on the bed, undressed her. He actually had asked her if she was ready and Tarja wanted to say "no". But then again she had the feeling that she would never be ready. Not with him. And what if she said no and Janne would just go and get his luck somewhere else?  
So she simply had nodded.  
Tarja didn't know why the men she had been with so far had no clue about women. And having sex. They had no idea of a way to have sex so it wouldn't hurt the woman.  
That was why she was crying.  
That was why she needed to leave now.

Tarja didn't dare to go to the toilet and check if everything was alright, she remembered her last times all to well. She quickly got dressed again, ignoring the pain between her legs.  
Sure, the first time was always the worst, a few more times with him and if wouldn't hurt anymore ...  
Tarja went to the bus stop. Fifteen minutes he had needed. If even. He had already needed five minutes to undress her and himself.  
She sat down at the little bench. Great. Should she really wait like this, short skirt and no jacket? It was December.  
She sighed unhappily. She hadn't wanted to go there but Alva and Suki had changed her mind.  
... Alva! Suki! If they were still inside? Tarja stood up and walked back the house but halfway on her way back she remembered Elias. If he saw that she was alone, he would start annoying her again.  
Tarja rolled her eyes and turned around one last time, walking back to the bus stop.  
Then she just sat there and thought. About Janne, about them. About Alva, Suki, about Suki and Irina. About Elias.  
And Elias finally made her think about Tuomas.  
Tuomas ... shy, quiet, but passionate when it came to playing the piano. Tarja had enjoyed watching him; she hadn't thought he was that talented. Tarja enjoyed watching talent, especially of the artistic kind. Not everyone here was good in singing or playing an instrument and mostly boys were interested in computers and cars.  
But Tuomas was different.  
How he would be in bed?  
All of a sudden Tarja was wide awake. "What?" she said loudly.  
Had she just _really_ thought that??  
She shook her head quickly, as if she could shake off those thoughts. As if it was that easy.  
Yes, she had thought about Tuomas a little too much ever since she had seen him playing the piano and yes, she had desperately tried to tell herself that it was because she _despised_ him, but this thought was just absurd. Absurd and gross.  
Tarja hoped she would never have to think about something like that again and successfully blamed the thoughts to her recent experience of sleeping with Janne and the sudden mental leap to Tuomas.  
To her great luck the bus arrived just in that very moment and as she arrived at home, she already didn't think about it anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

Tarja had been right. For the rest of the weekend she hadn't thought about Tuomas once, as she had way too much to do. Dealing with Janne for example, who was running after her like a little dog, apologising for a million times.  
Tarja had left him the day after the party.  
In the afternoon she had visited his house, her mother had let her in and told her to go upstairs. Of course he had been still asleep, his mother had picked him up from his friend some hours ago and now he was trying to get rid of his hangover.  
Tarja had filled her plastic bottle with snow before she had hopped on the bus; as she arrived it was ice cold water. Water which she had poured over the sleeping Janne's face.  
He jumped up and screamed around, called her things.  
Tarja had just stood there, a calm expression on her face, and then she had said it.  
"I'm going to break up with you now, Janne. You're a horrible man and horrible boyfriend, you are selfish and you're not half as cool as you're think. And - that will be hard for you to bear - you're really not good in bed. You were done way too fast and you weren't paying attention to me at all. If you don't change basically everything of you, you'll never find a girlfriend who would want to be with you longer than a week."  
Then she had left, quickly, she was scared that Janne would hurt her.  
Luckily he hadn't, but now he was trying to call her all the time and had even visited her at home. Tarja's father had sent him away with a typical _don't_ _you dare touching my girl_ -look on his face.  
On Monday she simply told her friends the truth, that he had sucked in bed and in general.  
What she didn't know ... not only Alva and Suki were listening.  
Tuomas, who sadly only sat a row in front of them, heard everything too. Emppu was at the toilet, so he couldn't talk to him.  
"He was done fast?" Suki asked. "How fast?"  
"Ten minutes, all in all," Tarja replied and the girls groaned.  
"Holy shit!"  
"Not really."  
"How embarrassing."  
"I know. And guess what, he hasn't even touched me. In that gentle way, you know? I could have been an inflatable doll too. No touching, no kissing, no talking, no feelings."  
"Poor you," Suki sighed.  
"I guess Irina treats you differently?" Alva asked and Suki snorted in reply.  
"Hey, are you jealous?" Tarja laughed. "Or why are you talking about her all the time?"  
Alva laughed too.  
"Irina is great, we met again yesterday." Suki shrugged.  
"And?" Tarja asked. "And?? Come on, do you have a relationship?"  
"Calm down, I told you I'm not gay," Suki said. "And could you please talk a bit louder? I want every one to hear about me and Irina."  
"Sorry. I'm still so energised about what I said to Janne. I literally told him that he sucks in bed!"  
"Does he at least have a nice dick?" Suki asked and Tuomas covered his ears.  
Gladly Emppu returned just then and Tuomas could start talking about video games with him. Tuomas wasn't into video games that much but it was better than listening to the girls behind him.  
"Change of subject, have you written a new song again?" Emppu asked after they were done taking about _Alien VS Predator._  
Now it was Tarja's turn to listen, their recent topic had ended and Suvi and Alva had continued blabbing about make up brands.  
_Tuomas is writing_ _songs_ _?_  
"Two," Tuomas answered and Tarja could hear that he wasn't feeling well talking about it. "It's just coming over me lately. I think we can start rehearsing soon."  
_Rehearsing? What for?_  
"That's amazing, Tuo. Did you already think of a name for the band?"  
_Band?_  
Tarja got really excited all of a sudden. Everyone knew that Tuomas and Emppu were into metal and Tarja was secretly a metalhead. Secretly. Because Alva and Suki hated metal, for them even soft rock was too hard and Tarja would be a freak if she told them about her love for heavy rock and metal.  
_What is this sudden_ _obsession_ _with_ _Tuomas?_ she asked herself and turned her head away from them. If one of them turned around and caught her staring, she'd be doomed.  
But fact was, Tarja wanted to read the songs. She needed to read at least one of the songs! She didn't know why but she started forming a plan ...

Tuesday went over fast a always, since it was the only short day of the senior class. At half past one everyone left the school, talking about upcoming plans like Christmas shopping, parties or dates.  
Tarja was just talking about a gift for her brother, as Alva grabbed her arm. "Is that ... Janne?"  
"What? Oh damn."  
Janne was actually there, waiting on his motorcycle right next to the street.  
"Fuck, fuck, fuck ... girls, walk over to him and tell him that I'm not here! Meanwhile I'll hide."  
Alva and Suki did what their boss told them, they'd probably jump from the balcony if Tarja asked them to.  
And Tarja herself turned around abruptly and almost crashed into -  
"Tuomas!" Tarja said in surprise.  
The eyes of the young man widened as the angel herself almost crashed into him and then also said his name.  
"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I - I didn't want to ... be here ..."  
"Yeah, seriously, you just had to walk right behind me, huh?" Tarja said a little angry and Tuomas blushed.  
"I'm ... so ... sorry ..."  
"Move along," Tarja ordered and Tuomas obliged, hastily rushing away.  And Tarja went back inside the school building.  
Tuomas wondered why, maybe she had forgotten something?  
Deeply in thought he walked to the bus stop, as he heard someone saying her name.  
And as he lifted his head, he knew why Tarj had fled inside again.  
Her thrall was talking to a tall and muscular, very good looking guy.  
Janne. It had to be him.  
"Really, Janne. She wasn't here today," Suki said.  
"Yeah. She felt sick," Alva added.  
"Said she was vomiting all the time."  
"I thought she said she had diarrhoea?" Alva asked.  
"Maybe both," Suki said. "I heard the norovirus is giving you both."  
"You girls are liars," Janne replied. "Did that bitch say anything about me?"  
Tuomas walked even slower now. What a charming man ...  
"Yes, that bitch did indeed," Alva said with a really despiteous touch in her voice. "She said you had a small dick with which you could never satisfy a woman."  
Tuomas pressed his lips together. Tarja was amazing ...  
"What??" Janne called. "That fucking whore, I'll kill her!"  
"Hey, whoa!" Suki screeched and Tuomas clenched his fists.  
_One more word ..._  
"Are you sick in your mind?" Alva asked, now sounding surprisingly calm. "You know that Suki and I could tell the police what you just said?"  
"Do that and I'll kill you before her," Janne hissed and suddenly Tuomas had enough.  
The shy, silent Tuomas stepped forward.  
"You won't touch anyone of them," he said loudly and confidently.  
Alva and Suki stared at him, but Janne only laughed.  
"Who are you, pimple-face?"  
Tuomas backed away again, realising what he had done.  
"I'm no one," he said, his voice now quiet again. "But you will get to know me if you hurt Tarja. Or her friends."  
Suddenly Janne grinned. "Sure. I get it now. Oh man, what a sad little creature. Tarja deserves you." He grinned again as Tuomas' cheeks turned red. "I won't hurt anyone. I wouldn't want to get into a fight with you." Then he looked at Alva and Suki. "Girls - tell Tarja I will leave her alone. Her bodyguard did a good job."  
He put on his helmet and drove away.  
Tuomas instantly thought about fleeing, but Tarja's friend were faster.  
"What was that?"  
"Why did you do that?"  
"He ... he said he would kill you," Tuomas whispered and Alva laughed.  
"He was joking, nerd. Never made jokes like that before?"  
"No? No one should joke about things like that," Tuomas answered. "Femicide is a real thing."  
"Femicide?" Suki narrowed her brows. "What's that?"  
"Murder on women," Alva explained. "Open a book, Sooke. Anyway, Tuomas ... thanks."  
"It's fine," Tuomas mumbled. "There's ... there's my bus. You should g-get Tarja. She'll miss her bus otherwise."  
"Sure, we'll do that." Alva looked at him. "Hey, do you -" She went silent. "Nevermind."  
Tuomas nodded at them and walked to his bus.  
"What did you want to ask him?" Suki wanted to know as they went over to the school building to get their friend.  
"You don't get it, don't you?" Alva sighed. "It's actually obvious."  
"You know I'm stupid," Suki replied. "You remind me all the time. Now tell me."  
Alva spotted Tarja hiding behind an open locker door and waved her, signalling her that Janne was gone. Then she grinned at Suki and mumbled,  
"Tuomas likes Tarja ..."

 _I'm_ _so_ _stupid_ _, so_ _stupid_ _, so_ _fucking_ _stupid!!_  
Tuomas wanted to crash his head against the bus window. He hadn't only stood up to someone who was older, taller and stronger than him, he had also defended his arch enemy in front of her best friends!!  
His life was over.  
They would tell Tarja and then they'd make his life a living hell. More than it already was.  
He felt like crying and thought about not coming to school the next day. Or at least play hooky in the evening ...

In the end he did none of it, he went to school normally and waited for stupid comments all day long. But they didn't come.  
And in the evening he went to rehearsal, he knew he wouldn't be happy if me missed staring at Tarja for two whole hours.  
And, besides that, their rehearsal was senseless without his piano. Surely Tiia could play too, but not that well.  
Later he was glad that he hadn't played hooky, because Tarja looked more than amazing. And she didn't grimace like all day at school, she actually smiled. She smiled and looked wonderful  
And while singing, she looked like she was in her own world.  
"Beautiful," Tiia said to her after everyone applauded. "I didn't think I'd ever say that but you're better than I thought. Why didn't you join on your own?"  
"Because it's social suicide?" Tarja said. "No, joke aside. I didn't know how much fun it would be."  
"I think we're all happy about it. Uhm, Tuomas ..."  
Tuomas looked at Tiia, scared that she would say something about his permanent stares at Tarja now. "Y-yes?"  
"Somehow you're not really ... into that song. You miss a lot of tunes."  
_That's_ _because_ _I'm_ _looking at Tarja all the_ _time_ _._ "Yes, Tiia. I know. I'll practise it everyday at home now."  
"That's nice but ... I hate to say that," Tiia sighed. "You and Tarja should practise together."  
"What?" Tuomas said. "No, it's okay. It's fine, I can do that ... alone." He looked at Tarja. She would help him, she would tell Tiia a better reason why they couldn't practise together. Alone together.  
But Tarja just shrugged. "Why not? If that makes him a better piano player."  
Tuomas stared at the keys of the piano, hoping this was it. Every one was looking at him.  
How he just hated attention.

After the rehearsal Tuomas wanted to vanish as fast as possible. He went to the bus stop and turned on his walkman, switching the music loud. It was so loud, he didn't hear Tarja approaching.  
So he got scared as she tapped his shoulder and got even more scared as he turned around and saw her.  
"Are you going by bus?" she asked.  
Tuomas nodded.  
"Why?"  
"B-because ... Why not?"  
"It's late and everyone is getting picked up by their parents. Aren't you?"  
"The bus is coming soon," he mumbled and looked down on his hands.  
"Don't worry. I'm not getting picked up either." Tarja sat down next to him. "I'll wait with you."  
Tuomas didn't reply. When would her bus arrive? He didn't dare to ask.  
"Sorry about before," she said. "You're an amazing piano player."  
"So are you," Tuomas said shyly and Tarja shook her head.  
"You've never heard me playing the piano. I suck."  
"I mean ... your singing."  
"Oh, that. Well, thank you." Tarja looked at him. "We should ... Tiia said we should practise together."  
"Yes," Tuomas whispered.  
"Hmm ... when do you have time? I guess always, you don't have many friends."  
Tuomas didn't reply.  
"That was mean ... sorry again. I just don't understand humans who don't have any friends. You could have so many, I mean you're in the orchestra _and_ in the drama club! And your taste in music is great."  
"It is?" Tuomas asked and Tarja pointed at his headphones.  
" _Sweet Child O' Mine_. Guns N' Roses. Quite old school but it's a good song. I like the guitar riffs. But I prefer Nirvana."  
"No joke, you listen to rock?" Tuomas asked. His eyes were wide.  
"And metal ... Why so surprised?"  
"Nothing, I just ... I ..." _Do you want_ _to_ _sing in my band? Come on, Tuomas, ask!!_  
But before he could even open his mouth, Tarja spoke again. "My bus is coming ..."  
"Oh," Tuomas only answered.  
"Tell me when you can meet me, okay? We could also meet in the auditorium after school tomorrow?"  
"Uh, yeah. That's good." Tuomas' mind was turning as he watched Tarja cross the street and enter the bus on the other side.  
She took a window seat, Tuomas could see her silhouette. And then she turned to him and waved.  
And Tuomas waved back, not quite believing what was happening.


	5. Chapter 5

Tuomas had thought he would never be any more nervous than that day when Tarja had attended the drama club for the first time.  
But then, only one week later, destiny disabused him.  
Tarja had wanted to meet him right after school, in the auditorium, _alone_.  
Tuomas couldn't eat all day, that was how nervous he was.  
Emppu joined his nervousness, of course not as much as Tuomas himself, but it seemed that the tiny man supported his friend's crush, no matter how the crush had treated him.  
"She's looking at you," he commented, whenever he caught Tarja looking at Tuomas. The poet himself was too shy to look back, smile or even wave. So Tarja's looks stayed unrequited, yet not unnoticed.  
But not only Emppu had noticed her looks.  
Also Tarja's circle had noticed it.  
"Why are you staring at that strange dude all the time?" Alva finally asked. She had waited until the fifth lesson, but enough was enough. Tarja didn't stop looking at him. "Did he tell you about what he did?"  
"Huh? What?" Tarja was confused. What he did? How could Alva possibly know that he wrote songs? If she meant that.  
"What he said to Janne, did he tell you?"  
"He talked to Janne??" Tarja felt nervous all of a sudden  
"Yes, on Tuesday. When he tried to pick you up from school."  
"He didn't tell me anything," Tarja said. "No, I'm just ... I'm looking at him because I want to understand him. Yesterday at rehearsal we ..." Tarja fell silent. She didn't want her friends to know that she would meet Tuomas after school - it was mean but they would start picking on her like she would pick on them if they met someone uncool in privacy. "We kinda talked. He's really ... quaint. But he didn't say a lot, as usual."  
Her friends giggled.  
"What did he say to Janne now?" Tarja asked angrily but the girls shook their heads.  
"He should tell you."  
"It's non of our business."  
"But it was courageous."  
"Yeah, he defended you."  
"It was cute."  
Tarja looked over to him and was surprised about how her heart started to race.

And after school, while walking to the auditorium, it was still racing as if she had ran a marathon. He was already there, he had gone straight to the meeting place, but Tarja had went to the restroom first. Just to apply a bit make up and get calm.  
She didn't know why she was even applying make up, she doubted that Tuomas would look at her. Sometimes she wished to be able to read minds, just to know what Tuomas was thinking about her.  
_Obviously_ _he's_ _scared_ _of_ _you_ _,_ her mind was telling her while she walked to the auditorium. _Or maybe he even hates you. You_ _weren't_ _exactly nice to him during the last weeks. Maybe_ _he's_ _not coming today. He_ _doesn't_ _care about you or if_ _your_ _song_ _sounds_ _bad at_ _the_ _performance_ _..._  
But then Tarja entered the room and he was there, sitting by the piano. He was looking at a few sheets, which he stuffed away as soon as he saw her.  
"Hi," Tarja said. "Sorry, I was ..."  
"It's okay," Tuomas said quickly. "Let's get it over with."  
"Are you in a hurry?" Tarja asked. "We can delay it, if you've got something better to do."  
"I don't have something better to do, I'm just ... it's strange to stay at school longer than needed."  
"You're right, we could have met at my place too," Tarja replied, almost surprised about the amount of what he had said.  
"This is fine," Tuomas said. "But maybe we could make it quick so I'll the next bus?"  
"Of course," Tarja said, feeling bad. It was because of her, of course it was. She was the reason why he didn't want to stay and she could understand it. "So what's your problem about the song?"  
"I ... I practiced it again at home," Tuomas said. "But I didn't have a problem. Should I play it to you first?"  
"Sure," Tarja replied and sat down at one of the chairs. "Go ahead."  
And he played the song to her, flawless and without a single interruption.  
And how he looked while playing - so in his element.  
He sometimes even closed his eyes while playing. He closed his eyes!  
Tarja was impressed. He was really, really good. She had to applaud as he was done.  
"Thanks," Tuomas replied with red cheeks. "Wanna sing along now?"  
Tarja nodded and walked over to him. "I'll stand next to you, okay?"  
"Uhm - yeah. Sure."  
He placed his fingers on the piano and started playing again.  
But as soon as Tarja started her line, he pressed the wrong key.  
"Sorrysorrysorry," he apologised. "I don't know, I think I get n-nervous when someone sings along."  
"No big deal," Tarja said, not daring to ask him why he only made mistakes when she was singing.  
"Let's try again," he said and placed his hands on the keyboard again - but again as soon as Tarja opened her mouth, Tuomas hit a wrong note.  
"Is it because of me?" Tarja asked after the second try. "Because of my voice?"  
"I guess," Tuomas said carefully. "Y-your voice is just so wonderful, I need to listen."  
Tarja felt how her face and chest went hot. Strange ... She had gotten more than a few compliments already ... why did this one feel different?  
"Maybe you should try earplugs when I sing," she suggested and laughed.  
"That could actually work," Tuomas said and Tarja stopped laughing.  
"Do you have earplugs?" she asked.  
"Nope," Tuomas answered. "Do you?"  
Tarja shook her head.  
"There's a store close to my home, I buy some and tomorrow we can -"  
"I can join you," Tarja said. "And then we could go on practising at your place. You said you have a piano."  
Tuomas swallowed. "Yes ... I do ..."  
"Just a suggestion," Tarja said quickly. "I don't have better things to do and I really want to know if it's going to work."  
Tuomas looked at her, not quite believing what was happening. Tarja. Tarja wanted to go home with _him._  
What would his mother say?  
She would probably grin at him all the time and be excessively nice to Tarja, trying to find out why her son hated her and vice versa.  
Since he didn't know that Kirsti already knew about Tuomas' secret crush on Tarja, thanks to Emppu.  
"So?" Tarja asked carefully and Tuomas nodded.  
"Sure, we can do that. But the bus is only going in about half an hour and we would be faster if we walked. I would walk if I was alone ..."  
"I can walk too, it's fine," Tarja said quickly. "I walk a lot, at night from Suki's place to my home and stuff."  
So they gathered their school things and started walking.  
Five minutes they didn't say anything, Tuomas because he was nervous and Tarja because she didn't know what to say.  
Finally she spoke up. Only because she couldn't bear the silence and she really wanted to know. "What do you do in your free time?"  
"Me? Oh, I - I mostly play the piano."  
"That's all?" Tarja asked a bit disappointed. "People always tell me that silent waters are deep ..."  
"I am," Tuomas said quickly. "I'm more interesting than that, I'm just ... sh-shy." He took a breath. "I have a band."  
Finally. "Really? That's so cool, what's the name?"  
"We don't have a name yet ... we're only three so far but we keep searching for more participants. Until then we're just jamming once a week and play our songs to our parents."  
"Which songs do you play?" Tarja kept asking.  
"M-mostly covered s-songs," Tuomas stuttered, becoming deep red. "B-but we also play our own songs. M-mine."  
Finally! Tarja wanted to jump in the air. "You write songs? That's admirable."  
"Thanks." Tuomas smiled. He was still scared that Tarja could change her mind and realise that he was the worst nerd ever.  
"Really. I've tried too but I'm not good. The melody always sounds okay but the text ... blergh. Maybe you could help me?"  
"I?" Tuomas stared at her.  
"Yeah, you. Your stories are amazing, at least what I've heard so far during the lessons and I doubt your poetry is worse. Are you writing in English?"  
"Yes," Tuomas replied with a dry mouth.  
"Ugh, goals! I just suck in English. You should really help me ... and I also want to become a better piano player. Do you take money?"  
"Money? What for?"  
"Tuomas, I want help from you in piano playing, English _and_ poetry. I'll ask my father if he can pay you."  
"I don't want that," Tuomas quickly said. "I mean, I want to help you but I don't want money from you. Your company is enough reward."  
Tarja couldn't say anything for a while. Her whole body felt hot all of a sudden and she felt the urge to kiss his cheek ... or at least take his hand ...  
But instead she didn't even look at him. "Wow. That's ... no one ever said something like that to me."  
"There's a first time for everything," Tuomas said with a small smile.  
Then they were quiet again, until they reached the shop. They went inside, Tuomas bought the earplugs and then they continued walking.  
"Can you play the piano with earplugs?" Tarja suddenly asked.  
"I don't know, I've never tried it," Tuomas admitted. "Can you sing with earplugs?"  
"No! That's horrible. I always need to hear myself."  
Tuomas smiled at her and Tarja laughed.  
"Not because I'm so full of myself but ... it's hard to sing without hearing yourself. Have you ever tried it?"  
"No," Tuomas said. "But that's because I can't sing."  
"Not possible!" Tarja called. "Everyone can sing."  
"Not me," Tuomas answered and turned left. "So ... That's my house."  
He was so nervous and asking himself if that nervousness concerning Tarja would ever stop. She was actually nice, so why couldn't he just stop being nervous?  
He opened the door. "Mum?" he called. "I brought someone ..."  
"Is he hungry?" Kirsti called and came out of the kitchen, stopping dead in tracks as she spotted Tarja. "I mean - she!"  
"Hungry?" Tuomas asked Tarja, who acted shy all of a sudden.  
"A bit," she said quietly.  
"So ..." Kirsti said and looked at her son. "Don't you want to introduce your friend?"  
"Oh, yes. Well, this is Tarja. Tarja, my mother."  
Just as Tuomas had thought, Kirsti started grinning from one ear to the other.  
"Tiia told us to practise at home," Tarja said, obviously noticing her grin and not feeling well about it.  
"Yes. We should ... we should do that now. Could you call us as soon as the food is ready?" Tuomas hated his mother's grin. Why couldn't she just stop that? "Come, Tarja."  
Together they left the living room, walking upstairs into Tuomas' room.  
"Your mum is nice," Tarja said carefully, while Tuomas offered her a seat on his bed. "Thank you."  
"She lost her job a while ago and now she's always at home," Tuomas answered and sunk his look. "My siblings don't live here anymore, so my mother wants to know everything about my life and ... I might have mentioned you."  
"Oh." Tarja knew what he meant.  
"Yeah. I'm sorry ..."  
"That's okay. I mean ... I also told my mother about you." Tarja smiled, while Tuomas' eyes grew wider and wider.  
"What did you tell her?" What could someone possibly tell her mother about him?  
"This and that," Tarja replied with a grin and pointed over to the keyboard. "Should we start?"

Half an hour later Kirsti called them, so they went downstairs.  
The teens sat down while Kirsti served the food, talking about their successful practise.  
"I heard you," she told the kids. "Tarja, you have a wonderful gift."  
"Thank you," Tarja said shyly.  
"There are universities in Kuopio, Savonlinna and of course Helsinki which specialise themselves on music, especially lyrical singing. I think that would be something for you."  
"I sent a letter of application to them," Tarja said, "but I haven't gotten a reply yet. My mother said I would have to sing in front of them but I don't think that's a problem for me."  
"If they don't reply you, just send them video tapes of yourself singing," Kirsti suggested. "That's what Susanna did."  
"My sister," Tuomas explained. "But she didn't get accepted."  
"It's better like it is now," Kirsti sighed. "But Tarja, you could sing in Tuo's band until then."  
Tuomas dropped his fork. "Mum?"  
"That's actually a nice idea," Tarja said, "but I think my time does not allow me to. I've got a lot to do for school and the musical ... plus my everyday stress at home."  
"I understand that," Kirsti said, while Tuomas looked at Tarja.  
Stress at home? She hadn't mentioned anything to him ...

He reminded himself to ask her the day after, since Tarja left right after lunch.  
But before she entered the bus, she turned to Tuomas and asked, "Let's meet again on Tuesday?"  
Tuomas nodded, already awaiting Tuesday anxiously.  
As soon as Tarja was gone, he returned back to the house, where his mother was waiting for him.  
"Tarja is nice," she told him.  
"I know," Tuomas replied.  
"You like her," Kirsti said with a gentle smile and Tuomas blushed.  
"I know ..."  
"She likes you too," Kirsti added and Tuomas sighed.  
"Not sure about that."


	6. Chapter 6

Tuomas took a deep breath.  
"Hey, Tarja. It's Friday today and I thought we could spend some time together after school. Go to the cinema or ... just take a walk or stay at home and talk a bit ... watch a movie, eat some pizza ... you know. Just a cosy Friday afternoon."  
Tuomas sighed at the reflection of his own in the mirror.  
"I would say no too. I understand it. I mean, look at me. And my room ... I admire you for not running away. Which seventeen year old boy loves Donald Duck comics? Well, I do. I'm a fan, Tarja. Some poeple are hardcore Disney fans, so what? Don't judge me."  
He grimaced at the reflection. "No, we don't need to watch a Disney movie if you don't want to. I'm not really into those as well, they're cheesy and the protagonist is mostly a stupid and superficial princess. I like the villains. Maleficent, for example. Or the evil queen, they've got character. Do you like them too?"  
Tuomas covered his face in his hands. "Yes, I'm embarrassing. Of course you will say no, that's okay. I'll just ... return home and cry my eyes out. No! I won't cry, I'm a man. But I'll be ... embarrassed and disappointed and ..." He looked at the mirror again. "I've never ... felt like this before. You are ... m-my first love."  
And then he fell back on the bed, staring into the air, until his mother called him.  
"Tuomas! You're going to miss the bus!"

All he could think about on his way to school was Tarja, of course.  
He would never be brave enough to ask her something like what he had practiced this morning, let alone start speaking to her.  
What if she treated him different during school times? They had never talked in public before. Tuomas sighed and started kneading his hands. She had made a wonderful company the other day, could she change from one day to the other?  
Tuomas was determined to speak to her but as he saw her, he knew he couldn't.  
She was wearing tight, black jeans today and a not any less tight, red turtle neck pullover. It wasn't anything special but these two colours fitted her so incredibly well, it made him speechless. And he could see her curves, thanks to the tightness of her clothes.  
He had to swallow - especially as she smiled at him.  
He smiled back, though feared that he was grimacing.  
Then they both turned to their friends.  
"Why didn't you answer my call yesterday?" Emppu immediately asked. "I tried to call you a few times but your mother always told me you had a visitor. She wouldn't tell me why, so I didn't believe her. I gave up after a while. So ... who was your visitor?"  
"Shh," Tuomas made and whispered, "Tarja."  
"What?" Emppu called but quickly remembered that he was supposed to be quiet. "Our Tarja?"  
"Yep." Tuomas couldn't help but smile widely. "She's actually nice company. My mother liked her too."  
"Unbelievable," Emppu shook his head.  
"I know." Tuomas smiled even more.  
He wanted to tell his friend everything but they were interrupted by their English teacher, who handed out the test sheets.  
As always, Tuomas was done first. He hadn't studied a lot, he had just read the topic once a few days ago and noticed that he didn't need to study for it.  
Tarja looked at him with envy in the eyes as he walked out of the classroom. Why was he so smart? Yes, she was smart too, that was the reason why she had even quit a year, but English just wasn't her subject. She wasn't bad but she had to study, study, study. She could talk it but the grammar was simply unbearable in her eyes. In every language. Still she was the second one who handed over her test.

Tuomas' heart leaped as the door opened and Tarja came out.  
"Hey," she whispered and smiled.  
"H-hi," Tuomas stuttered. He was already holding his books for the next lesson.  
"What do you think?" Tarja asked. "Got a good feeling?"  
"I don't know, that one task was pretty hard. I think this time it'll be a B."  
"You always write As in English, don't pretend," Tarja whispered. "I ... I would be happy to get a B."  
"Why not? You're incredibly smart," Tuomas whispered and earned such a breathtaking smile from Tarja, that he dropped his books out of nervousness.  
Sadly just in that moment, Tiia went past them.  
Before she hadn't noticed them, but as Tuomas' books met the floor, she turned around.  
And what she saw was:  
Tuomas and Tarja, arch nemesis, Tuomas kneeling down and collecting his books.  
"Wait, I'll help -," Tarja started, as a sudden "Hey!" made her wince.   
Tiia came over to them, looking very angered. "You'll never stop, Tarja, right?"  
"What? But I -"  
"I saw everything, don't try to lie to me," Tiia said. "Why are you doing this?"  
"Tiia, she didn't do anything, I alone dropped my books," Tuomas said and stepped in front of Tarja, who was backing away.  
That woman seemed to hate her ...  
"It's nice from you to defend her, even though she treats you like a piece of shit," Tiia answered. "But now I want you to stop playing the knight in shining armour and step away."  
"But -"  
Tiia shoved him away. "Detention, Tarja. Today. After school. And I don't care if you've got a plan with your little friends or whatever, I don't care."  
"But I need to go home!" Tarja yelled.  
"I said I. Don't. Care." Tiia said calmly, turned and walked away, leaving Tarja back in tears.  
Since the corridor slowly started filling itself now, Tuomas pulled Tarja away from the few students. He pulled her into an empty class room and closed the door.  
"I'll talk to her," he said as Tarja let her tears flow.  
"No, it's fine," Tarja mumbled, not looking at him. She was leaning against a table, her arms crossed over her belly. "You can't do anything. She hates me."  
"She ... she thought you made my books fall to the floor. She just wanted to protect me, I think ..."  
"She's a great teacher, really. She actually does something when she sees bullying ... but that wasn't okay either. Right?"  
"No. Really not." Tuomas got closer to her, touching her arm with a shaking hand. Slowly he started caressing her arm and Tarja gave in. She uncrossed her arms and slung them around him, buried her face in his chest.  
"Why does she hate me?"  
Tuomas couldn't answer, he was too taken aback by her actions. Tarja was hugging him and pressing herself against him.  
It was too much ...  
"Tuomas, why?" She looked up to him, her eyes red.  
"I don't know, I don't know who could hate you," Tuomas mumbled and stroke one of her hair strands aside. "I don't know ..."  
"And here you are, so nice ... After all I did to you." Tarja sighed.  
"Hey - forgiven and forgotten. You said you needed to go home after school ... I-I wanted to ask you yesterday already but ... is everything okay at your place?"  
Tarja pulled back from the embrace and shook her head. "No. It's not. Nothing's okay."  
"Do you want to tell me?" Tuomas whispered but just as Tarja opened her mouth, the bell rang, signalling the end of the lesson. Since they only had a short five minute break now, Tarja suggested to head back.  
And Tuomas followed her, still not fully realising that he and Tarja had hugged. Quite for a long time.  
He could still smell her ...

Tarja went to the teacher's room right after school. While everyone else was walking home, she hoped that no one would see her. Of course she had lied to her friends, had told them she just had a question about the musical performance. She had to wait a few minutes, then Tiia came out.  
"Hi," she said. "I did t expect you'd listen to me."  
"Well ... you said I should come here," Tarja answered defiantly. "Even though I didn't do anything."  
"I'd like to believe you," Tiia sighed. "But I've watched you too much in the past. And ... I think there's a particular reason why you act like you do ..."  
Tarja remained silent.  
"Tarja. You can talk to me. I'm not in the mood to keep you here on a Friday afternoon and I'm willing to let you go. But I see the tears in your eyes and I sense that you have a problem you need to talk about."  
"Yes," Tarja replied. "But I won't talk to you."  
"I understand you won't, I haven't really been fair towards you," Tiia sighed. "I'll let you go home, okay? But please promise me to talk to someone about your problem - we have a counsellor here at school and of course you can always talk to your friends or me. Or your parents -"  
"I can't talk to them," Tarja said. "To ... none of those. Can I go now?"  
Tiia sighed. "Of course. I wish you a nice weekend."  
"Yeah, bye." Tarja turned around and ran to the exit - maybe she'd still catch the bus! Sometimes it came to late.  
Sadly it didn't. The school grounds were empty and she cursed. Should she call her father now and hope that he was at home? Or should she wait for the next bus?  
"Tarja!"  
The sudden, unexpected voice made her jump. She turned around and spotted -  
"T-Tuomas?" Her mouth went open. "What are you doing here?"  
"Been waiting for you ... after all it's my fault you got detention. But it went faster than I thought."  
"No, she let me go. She tried to talk some sense into me but then said I could leave. And you ... waited?"  
Tarja heart was racing.  
"Yes, of course. Now I feel stupid."  
"No, that's really - really nice of you. Thank you. But I need to go home, you see ... my brother is waiting for food, so I think I'll start walking."  
"Do you want to tell me now?" Tuomas asked. "About your family."  
"I'd like to tell you but I really need to get going ..."  
"I'm sorry, I don't want to disturb you," Tuomas quickly said. "So ... let's talk on Monday?"  
"Sure," Tarja said but then she smiled. "Or do you want to go home with me?"

Tuomas didn't have to think long. Well, in his mind he weighed options and that felt like minutes, but in reality he only needed seconds to decide.  
"Sure!"  
Just like the day before they started walking side by side, just to the other direction. "So?" Tuomas started. "About your family ..."  
"Just one second," Tarja said hesitating. "I haven't told anyone yet."  
"Not even your friends?" Tuomas asked, his heart making a jump. He was the first to hear one of Tarja's secrets ...  
"No. I couldn't. It's ... okay, so where to start. Well, first of all, my father. He's a carpenter and not really making a lot of money. You know how needed real carpenters are nowadays." She sighed. "So he's gone almost all the time, he's at home maybe one day a week or so. Mostly on Sundays but he's always working until from one in the afternoon to ten in the evening and earns literally nothing. Then, Timo. My older brother is studying in Kuopio and coming home on the weekends only. My younger brother Toni is only nine and really difficult. He's dyslexic and hyperactive. He's a sweet boy but he's having a hard life."  
"So, is he alone sometimes? If you're not at home ... where's your mother?"  
"She's at home," Tarja said and turned her eyes away from Tuomas. "But she is very, very sick."  
"Oh no ..." Tuomas whispered.  
"Yes. Breast cancer. I haven't told anyone before but she's fighting for her life."  
"Wow, I'm sorry ..."  
"It's okay, you didn't know."  
"How is she? I mean ... what do the doctors say?"  
"They don't know how long she will survive but they say she's strong and that she'll make it. Maybe." Tarja tried to smile. "So you won't meet her ... She rarely wants visitors."  
"It's okay, I'll help you cook for your brother and then I'll return home," Tuomas said and Tarja smiled.  
It was an honest, thankful smile and Tuomas knew:  
He had made a new friend.

 


	7. Chapter 7

"And who are you?"  
The dark haired boy crossed his arms and looked at Tuomas with judgement in his eyes.  
"That's my friend Tuomas," Tarja answered instead of Tuomas himself.  
"Just a friend?" Toni replied. "He's not your new boyfriend?"  
Tuomas was glad that Tarja didn't look at him right now, as he blushed madly at the imagination of Tarja and him being a couple ...  
"Just a friend, Toni. I don't have a boyfriend."  
"What about that tall guy that daddy kicked out?" Toni asked, still eyeing Tuomas.  
"He's ... not my boyfriend anymore. Now let's talk about something else, are you hungry?"  
"Always," the young boy replied. "You promised me spaghetti!"  
"And I will not break my promise," Tarja answered and started preparing a pot with hot water, noodles and tomatoes.  
"Yum, yum," Toni made and looked at his sister. "Have you seen mum already?"  
"Not yet, have you?" Tarja asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable. She didn't want to talk about her mother in front of Tuomas.  
"Yes," Toni replied and sat down on a chair in front of the dining table. "Right when I came home from school. She was making herself some tea but was too weak to carry it back, so I did that for her. She returned to bed, feeling sick."  
"Oh," Tarja whispered. "I'll ... I'll check on her. Tuomas -"  
"I can prepare the spaghetti," Tuomas offered and entered the kitchen. "I told you I'd help you."  
"Thank you," Tarja breathed. "Toni - help Tuomas. If he doesn't find what he needs or something like that."  
"Aye aye, captain!" Toni called after his sister, who rushed upstairs.  
Carefully she opened the bedroom door.  
It was dark, as always. Marjatta Turunen preferred dimmed light.  
"Mum?" Tarja whispered and heard the blanket move.  
"Tari, honey?"  
"Yes, I'm home."  
"I heard that, Toni is louder than usually," Marjatta replied with a weak chuckle. "Come here ..."  
Tarja closed the door behind herself and went over to her mother.  
"How are you?" she asked while sitting down on the edge of the bed.  
"As always," her mother sighed. "The chemotherapy is making me sick ... literally. I can't go on anymore."  
"You will make it," Tarja said with a smile. "It will be over soon. The doctors are keeping their hopes up."  
"And then I'll have to wait two months until I can go out again," Marjatta sighed.  
"We could buy a wig," Tarja suggested. "A pink one or neon green. What do you prefer?"  
"My own hair," Marjatta sighed and touched her bald head. "I can't look into the mirror anymore."  
"You look beautiful," Tarja reassured her mother. "And remember, if it wasn't for the chemo, you'd still have hair but would probably not be living anymore."  
"You're really a ray of sunshine," Marjatta laughed shortly. "Why did you come later than normally?"  
"Oh, I ... uhm ..." Tarja decided to only say half the truth. She didn't want her sick mother to know that she had gotten detention. Telling her that she was forced to sing in the school musical had been bad already. Of course her mother had found it wonderful and told her she'd even come to the performance, but still Tarja had not wanted to tell her. Because of course she had wanted to know _why_ Tarja had "decided" to play Carlotta in a school musical.  
So she told her only half the truth, as always.  
"I walked home."  
"You walked? Why?"  
"I ... I was talking to a friend and missed the bus."  
"That doesn't sound like you," Marjatta said and Tarja could suddenly see the silhouette of her teeth. She was smiling. "Which friend?"  
"A new friend. He's called Tuomas. And he ... He's currently downstairs."  
"You brought him here and now you're leaving him alone?" Marjatta clicked with her tongue.  
"Yes. Because I needed to check on you."  
"I'm fine, Tari, now go downstairs and entertain your friend. Is he in your class?"  
"Yes. And in the drama club." Tarja stood up. "We might rehearse a bit later."  
"That's fine, I will sleep now."  
Tarja nodded and went back to the door. "Good night ..."  
With a sigh she left and closed the door.  
While talking about Tuomas, her face had started to feel hot and she was sure that it looked as red as a tomato now. Not caring about it though she went down again, only to see that Toni was actually helping Tuomas!  
He was stirring the spaghetti in the pot, talking to Tuomas in his fast way of talking.  
"School is fun mostly. I have a few friends there but they prefer to play without me. They say I'm a both a bad loser and winner. I don't know what they mean but I don't care. At least they're not mean to me, like the people in Tarja's former class. I'm glad she changed, now she has more friends too. But you know what's funny? Tarja is really really smart and I have ... what's it called? Dys ... lex ..."  
"Dyslexia," Tuomas answered. "That's not bad at all. You will make it too, you can also study or start working right after school. It's really nothing to be ashamed of. My sister has a light form of it and now she's studying medicine."  
Again Tarja was astounded about how much Tuomas could talk if he wanted. And he wasn't done yet.  
"About the other thing - be glad you have friends. I only have one good friend at school, Emppu, and he has lots of other friends who don't want to be friends with me. He and I are both in the choir but that's the only thing we have in common, actually. He's really into video games, which I'm not, I love to read and write, Emppu doesn't."  
Tarja's heart jumped.  
"Tarja loves those things too," Toni said. "Reading and writing. You two would make a good -"  
"Okay," Tarja quickly interrupted the boys. "Mum is feeling fine. Tuo, thanks for helping me, I can continue now. And Toni, start your homework."  
With light protesting Toni went to his room.  
"Can I help more?" Tuomas asked.  
"You already did more than enough," Tarja said. "Thank you, again. I see you already made the sauce!"  
"I hope it tastes okay. I'm not really used to cooking but ..." Tuomas went silent as if thinking about his next words cautiously. "Can I ... can I ask you something?"  
"Sure, go ahead."  
"Your brother. He said ... something about your former class mates. They ... they teased you?"  
"No," Tarja replied and sighed. "They bullied me."  
"Literally bullied?" Tuomas asked shocked. "Why?"  
"Because I was ... a nerd. I always had a book in my hands, during the short break, the lunch break ... I had big, ugly glasses, short, ash blonde hair, I was a little chubby and I was a real teacher's pet."  
Tuomas' mouth was wide agape as Tarja was done talking. "What? Glasses? Blonde hair? Chubby? ... What?!"  
Tarja laughed shortly. "Yes. I looked very different a year ago."  
"Can't be. And you changed in just one summer?"  
"I started changing before already, about last March or April. I got contact lenses, started using make up and dyed my hair black. And guess what happened?"  
"It didn't stop?"  
"It got worse. They started calling me emo and forced me to show my arms. And you know what makes all of it perfect?"  
"No, what?"   
Tarja laughed again and slowly revealed her arms. "That they were right."  
Tuomas sadly looked at the light pink lines on the girl's lower arms. It weren't many and they weren't that visible, signalling that they hadn't been deep, but Tuomas didn't know what to say.  
"I had to consult the school counsellor, who had to make sure that I wasn't depressed. And she, together with the principal, decided that it would be better for me to let me skip the next school year. Thank God."  
Tuomas took a deep breath. "I ... can't believe you were like that. A ... nerd?"  
"A self harming nerd," Tarja sighed. "I was just glad they never found out about my singing, that would have been my death. Well, not really but ... oh, wait a second. Pay attention to the noodles!"  
And with those words she vanished upstairs again, this time though she came back quickly, holding a folder. "Old pictures," she said. "I won't show you my baby pictures but look ... I already wore contact lenses back then but my hair is blonde and I'm still chubby."  
Tuomas was speechless. What he saw was a very different but not less beautiful Tarja. She didn't wear any make up, nothing at all, had a shy but cute smile and - Tarja had not lied - blonde hair. And she wasn't chubby. She had well formed curves.  
"Wow ... you look ..."  
"Ugly," Tarja sighed and closed the folder. "I know. I'm just glad I didn't wear glasses anymore."  
"You weren't chubby," Tuomas insisted but Tarja laughed.  
"I've lost ten kilos, Tuomas. You can't tell me."  
"Okay ... so within a year you lost ten kilos, got your hair dyed black, got contact lenses and started to wear make up and different clothes. One can say you changed a lot."  
"And I started harming myself out of boredom," Tarja added.  
"I'm actually glad you only self harmed out of boredom," Tuomas admitted. "Imagine if it had been real ..."  
"I think it was boredom ... or maybe I did it because I wanted attention. At least the counsellor said so." Tarja shrugged. "I think the noodles should be done now."  
"What? Oh - yes, I think so too."  
After making sure they were ready, Tarja called Toni and then they started eating. And later, after checking her brother's homework, Tarja suggested to rehearse. Tuomas was excited as Tarja showed him their grand piano, this was way better than his keyboard or the small, wooden piano at school.  
"You know, they also sound better," Tuomas said and stroke the keys. "I can't explain why ... it must be the wing ... or the fact that they're horribly expensive. May I open it?"  
"I want you to play," Tarja said.  
"And what, Carlotta's song?" Tuomas asked while opening the wing of the piano, admiring the beauty of its insides.  
Tarja's heart was beating. "I want you ... to play one of your songs. Please."  
"My songs? What?"  
Tarja laughed. "I heard you, Tuomas. I know you're writing songs."  
Tuomas' reaction was priceless. His pale face turned red, deep red, within only a second.  
"I'll try ... I'll try to," he said and sat down. "I don't have my notes here but ... I think I'll manage that one. It's ... it's one of my first ones."  
_One of those_ _I_ _wrote after_ _I_ _met your_ _for_ _the first time ..._  
He took a deep breath and started playing.

**(Play the video:)**

https://youtu.be/fJcEvp61epQ

Tarja was speechless.

The song he played, without notes yet absolutely flawless, was beautiful and sad at once. Tuomas did what he always did when playing the piano: giving everything, closing his eyes, moving along the music. And sometimes he looked at her. And when he looked at her, he smiled.  
And towards the end she knew why: Tarja was crying.  
"Wow." She wiped her tears away. "Has been a while since a song has made me cry with a song."  
"I agree, it's beautiful," a second voice said and Marjatta stepped into the living room.  
"Mum!" Tarja called, blushing lightly. Her mother was wearing a headscarf to hide her bald head.  
"Thank you," Tuomas replied and nodded. "Uhm ... I'm Tuomas."  
"Marjatta," the woman replied and pointed at the piano. "You're the first person here who actually really _plays_ on that thing. What's the song called?"  
"It doesn't have a name yet," Tuomas said. "And no text either, not yet."  
"What ... did you write this?" Marjatta's eyes went wide.  
"Yes, mum, he did," Tarja said and somehow she sounded ... proud? "He's a songwriter and poet."  
"She's lying," Tuomas said quickly.  
"Don't be so modest," Tarja said and elbowed her friend. "My mum doesn't leave the room very often, only if the earth turns backwards and if strangers play songs on our piano."  
"You're silly," Marjatta said and turned to Tuomas again. "You're a future pianist."  
"Biologist, I hope," Tuomas said. "Even though I would like to have a band ... as a hobby. I mean, I do have one but we lack of a singer and bass player -"  
"Tarja can sing," Marjatta interrupted. "Tarja - join his band."  
"What?" Tarja said. "Mum - you know I can't. Time won't allow it ..."  
"But you'd like to?" Tuomas asked carefully. He hadn't forgotten about his wish of Tarja to join his band.  
"Yes ... I would like to. But I can't."  
Marjatta sighed and placed her hand on her daughter's shoulder.  
"We'll figure out a solution. You should join his band, Tari."


	8. Chapter 8

Emppu shook his head, not believing what their band leader was telling them. "You _actually_ found us a singer? _You?_ "  
"Thanks for your trust," Tuomas replied with a grimace.  
"Sorry," Emppu said. "What's his name?"  
"It's a girl," Tuomas told his friends.  
"But ... you'll have to change the notes now," Jukka said with a questioning look. "No matter if it's for a soprano or alto, you wrote your songs for a tenor."  
"I already did," Tuomas said excitedly. "And she's a soprano. You will be thrilled, really. She's coming here in about ten minutes."  
Emppu and Jukka changed a look. They had a strange feeling about this new singer, since they both knew that Tuomas was thrilled by Tarja and that Tarja was a soprano singer. Emppu had told Jukka.  
"Guys, be happy! We have a band!"  
Emppu and Jukka forced themselves to smile too, mostly for Tuomas' sake. They had never seen him that happy before.  
"And ... what does she think about your songs?" Emppu carefully asked. If it was Tarja, she would have to sing those few songs that Tuomas had written about her. Emppu had seen those - they weren't exactly innocent.  
"She likes them. Well - the one I played to her on the piano." Tuomas blushed.  
"Oh, which one did you show her?" Jukka asked.  
"The one without a name and text," Tuomas answered and avoided his friends' looks. Of course they both knew those few texts about Tarja by now and wondered, if Tarja would realise that they were written for her. _If_ she was the one that would be here in ten minutes.  
"And what's her name now?" Jukka asked on, not wanting to get surprised. Tarja wasn't exactly nice to him either, so he wanted to prepare some witty comebacks. Not that he needed to think of those, of course, he always had some up his sleeves.  
"You know her," Tuomas said, still not looking at his friends. "It's Tarja."  
"I knew it," Emppu threw his fist in the air.  
"But ... I thought we hated her," Jukka said. "Because she hates us."  
"She doesn't hate us," Tuomas mumbled, his cheeks red.  
"And Tuo loves her," Emppu added, leaving Jukka shocked.  
"Tuo??"  
"It's complicated!" Tuomas called. "She's not as mean as she pretends to be. She's actually really nice. And ... I don't love her. I like her, okay, but -"  
"Wait," Jukka said. "Woah, Tuomas. WAIT. _Nymphomaniac_ _Fantasia_ _?_ "  
"Just ... a stupid text. Doesn't mean anything."  
Within a second Jukka had opened Tuomas' nightstand drawer, knowing that his friend hid more songs than this one. "Ever Dream? I knew you wouldn't destroy it. It's about her, isn't it? And Forever Yours ... and Beauty and the -"  
"Fine!" Tuomas shouted. "So what? Yes, yes and yes, they're all about her. I admire her, she's a beautiful and wonderful person and I want to spend every day with her. And no, I won't destroy them, though I also won't show them to her. Not yet, maybe in a year or ... in a few years."  
"Or never," Emppu sighed. "We know you, Tuo. You like her, so go ahead tell her."  
"Never!" Tuomas breathed, his face turning white. "I'm just a friend to her, really."  
Emppu grinned. "Tuomas. I already told you, she's looking at you all the time. Seriously all the time."  
Tuomas blushed again, opening his mouth to say something, but just that moment someone knocked on his door.  
"Pardon me," the cutest voice on this earth said and Tarja entered. "Hi, guys. Sorry I'm early. The bus was faster than I expected."  
She didn't look at Tuomas, who panicked. How much had she heard??  
"It's okay, come in and have a seat," he said though, trying to keep calm.  
"Thank you." Tarja sat down on the empty chair that Tuomas was offering her. "And you?"  
"I have to stand anyway, I'm the leader," Tuomas said and Emppu laughed.  
"So we all have to look up to you."  
Tuomas rolled his eyes. "No, Emp. Okay ... now where to start ... thanks to everyone for coming. Especially you, Tarja. Shut up, Emppu."  
Emppu had to restrain himself from laughing and Tuomas could see it. Only because of the _Thank_ _you_ _for_ ** _coming,_** _Tarja._  
Tarja looked at Emppu, who had already set up a poker face again.  
"Anyway," Tuomas continued, "I know that not everyone of you has a lot of free time, so thanks again. I need every single one of you for this band and everyone is important on the same base. So no one needs to look up to me." He threw a look at Emppu. "I thought we could meet once a week, maybe on Monday, when our energy is still fresh from the weekend. What about five in the afternoon, in my garage. Tarja?"  
Tuomas knew that Tarja had problems in her family, her father was never there, her mother was ill. That was why he was asking her specifically, what Jukka and Emppu couldn't know.  
And Tarja nodded. "Shouldn't be a problem." After all it had been her own mother who had told her to join this band.  
"Great. Great ... so, what's next ... maybe we should head to the garage and check how we harmonise together?"  
"Great idea, but," Jukka started, "I didn't bring my drums."  
"Oh man," Emppu called and slapped his friend's shoulder. "Why didn't you? I also brought my guitar."  
"Your _guitar,_ Emp, is a few kilos lighter than my _drums._ "  
"Okay, no problem," Tuomas said. "We need a car anyway."  
"A car? We need a transporter, Tuo. Or a lorry." Jukka crossed his arms.  
"Maybe I can help," Tarja said and raised her hand, just like in school.  
"You can?" Jukka asked, eyeing her more than pejorative.  
"Yes, I can. My father has a transporter. He's carpenter but needs it really rarely. Last time he needed it was like ... a year ago? I'm sure we can use it. If you don't mind that it says _Teuvo Turunen,_ _carpenter_ on the car."  
"I wouldn't mind," Emppu said and looked at Tuomas, who's mouth stood open.  
"You'd ... you'd do that? You would ask your dad to lend us his car?"  
"Sure. And I'm also sure that he will. He'd do everything for me, ever since ..." She became quiet and Tuomas knew what she was thinking of. Her mother ...  
"That's great," he said quickly. "Thank you, Tarja."  
"So, you think he'd also give us the transporter if we will be driving to gigs?" Jukka asked a bit disbelieving.  
"We'll talk about that if we will ever have a gig," Tuomas said. "Okay ... let's head to the garage anyway and just not use drums this time. Jukka, you could just listen to us and tell us what to make better?"  
"Sure, why not." Jukka stood up from the bed and then he grinned at Tuomas. "Time to show her your songs, dude."  
And with those words he and Emppu left laughing, leaving the poet and the singer back.  
"What did he mean?" Tarja asked and frowned. "He hates me ..."  
"You weren't nice to him either," Tuomas said. "Give him time. I never hated you, so I doubt he does."  
Tarja smiled. "So ... about the songs?"  
"Yes," Tuomas mumbled and opened his secret (more or less) drawer. "Let's try this one."  
Tarja took the sheet. "Elvenpath?" She grinned at him. "I knew it, you're a fantasy nerd."  
Tuomas blushed. "Yes, I am. I really love all of this, Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit ..."  
"It's okay," Tarja said and laughed. "Hm ... I think I can sing those notes. They're quite high but ..."  
"I know you can reach them. I wrote it for your vocal range."  
"When?" Tarja asked surprised.  
"Uhm ... after you agreed joining." Tuomas blushed even more and Tarja raised an eyebrow at him.  
"Really?"  
"Okay. Maybe I wrote one or two songs after I heard you sing at the school rehearsal for the first time. I'm sorry."  
"What for?" Tarja asked without a single hint of embarrassment or anger in her face. "I feel really honoured. When can I see the other songs?"  
"Soon. I wrote some of them before I even met you, so I first need to rewrite them, make them suitable for your voice." _Liar!_ Tuomas felt bad for lying at his princess, but the girl didn't notice. She was still looking at the sheet, nodding slowly.  
"I really like the text, Tuomas. It's really imaginative. Should we head to the garage as well?"  
Tuomas nodded.

Later he lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He was thinking about Tarja, as he had done so many times before. She had sung the song flawlessly and Emppu and Jukka had almost fell off their chairs. Emppu had then added his guitar and Tuomas started playing the keys ... and suddenly his mother had come in and listened along with Jukka.  
After they had stopped, the two listeners had applauded loudly.   
"Amazing!" Kirsti had said and shook her head in disbelief. "You guys are amazing. I would totally pay to see you play live."  
"Wait until I added my drums," Jukka said. "We'll be having groupies then."  
"No doubt," Kirsti laughed. "Tarja? May I tell you that your voice really fits with this kind of music?"  
"Of course you may," Tarja said with a small blush. "Thank you."  
Tarja ...  
How gorgeous she had looked. And now she was a member of his band, ready to spend time with him out of school and ready to drive around with them for gigs. If he would ever be able to tell her what he felt?  
Tuomas wasn't sure but he didn't really care anymore. Tarja was now a friend of him. And he could look at her whenever he wanted to. He didn't need to hide it anymore.  
He smiled at the ceiling and thanked the universe for everything.

"How was it?" Marjatta Turunen asked quietly as her daughter entered the darkened room in the evening. "Was it good of me to force you joining?"  
"Yes, very," Tarja said and took her mother's hand. "How are you?"  
"Better. I slept a lot today, Toni was surprisingly quiet all day long. Tell me about the band."  
"Well, there's Tuomas. You already know him ... and then there is Emppu, who plays the electric guitar and Jukka, who plays the drums. They're all in my class."  
"That's wonderful. Tell me more about Tuomas."  
"Tuomas? Why?" Tarja avoided her mother's eyes.  
"Because he writes songs. He's a genius, you said. So, what are his songs about?"  
"Fantasy," Tarja replied. "And nature and ... and I don't know. I haven't seen a lot of them before."  
"I want to see you play," Marjatta said. "Before I die, I want to see you -"  
"You won't die," Tarja said quickly and grabbed both her mother's hands. "I won't let you die. You'll see us play until we quit the band somewhen in the future. Understood?"  
"Understood but unlikely," Marjatta said and smiled.  
"Don't give up hope, I beg you," Tarja whispered. "I don't know what to do without you ... you're my best friend."  
"You'll find another best friend." Marjatta smiled.  
"But not another mother," Tarja said and wiped her eyes. "Mother ..."  
"Tari, I promise I will fight until it's too late," Marjatta said. "And you could promise me to be happy again in no time. Toni will need you."  
Tarja nodded. "I will try."  
"You're so strong ..." Marjatta put her head on her daughter's cheek. "You will make it. And I think you've found a great best friend in Tuomas. From what you've told me ..."  
"Yes, he's great," Tarja mumbled and sighed. "But he's so ... so shy and I think he's a little scared of me. He doesn't look at me when I talk and sometimes he stutters. It's sweet somehow but... I don't know."  
"Is that so?" Marjatta smiled. "Why don't you call him and ask him for a movie night?"  
"Mum?" Tarja asked shocked.  
"Not with a sleepover, no. But he could come over and I'm sure your father will drive him home later."  
"You're crazy." Tarja jumped up. "But that's a good idea. Though ... I won't ask him to come over. I'll ask him if he wants to join me at the cinema!"  
Her mother's laugh in her neck, she stormed out of the bedroom and down to the telephone to call her friend.


	9. Chapter 9

Kirsti's smile was broad as she entered the room of her son.  
"Telephone for you," she said Tuomas got up from his bed and put his Donald Duck comic aside.  
"Who is it?"  
"Tarja," Kirsti said, her smile even growing bigger as Tuomas blushed immediately. And, faster than she could look, he stormed downstairs and grabbed the phone, pressing the earpiece against his ear.  
"Hello?"  
"Hi, Tuo. It's me," Tarja said, causing Tuomas' heart to start racing.  
"Hi! Did you ask your dad about the transporter?"  
"Not yet," Tarja said. "He's not at home yet."  
Tuomas waited but Tarja didn't say more. "Okay," he answered, "no problem. Tomorrow, then."  
"Yup," Tarja said. "Uhm ... see, I know it's Friday and you've definitely got something better to do, but maybe ... maybe you'd like to go to the cinema with me?"  
Tuomas swallowed. Well, if this wasn't exactly the same thing he had thought a week ago?  
"Or not," Tarja said as Tuomas didn't answer. "We could just stay at home and order a pizza."  
This was getting creepy. Tuomas stared at the wall in shock. Had she read his mind?  
"Or maybe you want to go to a party? There are always parties on Friday and I'm mostly invited ... Suki knows many people."  
"A party? I don't know, Tarja ..."  
"But why not?" Tarja talked on. "You wouldn't have to worry about getting home, it's Friday. Night busses! They leave every hour so we can go anytime. Maybe just try it, and if you don't like it, We can do something else."  
"I don't drink a lot, Tarja. N-nothing, to be honest."  
"That's fine. We don't have to drink, I don't really like it either."  
"Mh..." Tuomas looked at his mother, who was of course standing next to him.  
_What?_ she formed with her lips.  
"A party," Tuomas whispered and Kirsti started nodding fast, holding up her thumbs. _Go!_  
Tuomas sighed quietly. "Okay. I'm joining. Tell me when and where ..."

A few hours later he sat in the car next to his mother, almost dying of nervousness. He was kneading his hands and staring out of the front window, only nodding about what his mother was telling him.  
She told him what to do if he had to confront Tarja alone.  
"Make her feel special," she said. "Tell her how beautiful she looks and how happy you are that she invited you."  
Tuomas nodded.  
"Bring her a drink. Water, preferably, you'll notice why it's important to drink water at a party."  
Tuomas nodded.  
"Ask her about herself, her hobbies besides singing, her favourite colour or animal ..."  
"It's not a date, mum," Tuomas mumbled. Truth was, he was still hoping that it was a date. Damn it, why hadn't he just agreed about a meeting at the cinema immediately?  
"We'll see about that. Should I pick you up later?" Kirsti asked.  
"Tarja says the busses are leaving every hour," Tuomas said. "So no, thanks."  
The rest of the drive was quiet and a few minutes later Kirsti stopped. "This must be the house."  
And it was definitely. The loud music was already audible and people were standing in the garden, smoking.  
"Have fun," Kirsti said as Tuomas got out, earning just a thankful nod of her son.  
He was too nervous to talk.  
And even more nervous he got as he saw Tarja - wearing a short, black dress that was glittering in the weak door light. Her hair was curly and her eyelids were dark - Tuomas almost hadn't recognised her. But she recognised him and waved him.  
Tuomas looked down at himself and quietly thanked his mother for picking out his outfit. He had wanted to go in his usual shirt and jeans but his mother had forced him to ditch the T-shirt for a black button down shirt.  
Way better.  
"Tuomas, hey!" She jumped into his direction and hugged him.  
Tuomas swallowed and wrapped his arms around her.  
"You look fantastic," he mumbled into her ear but she pulled away and grabbed his hand. "I've been inside already, a great party. Let's go?"  
Tuomas nodded, not sure if she had heard him. Maybe "fantastic" wasn't the right word after all? What else could he say, gorgeous, beautiful, mesmerising? Breathtaking?  
Somehow all those words sounded too weak to be compared with Tarja. Her beauty was beyond all these words.  
Silently he let Tarja pull him inside, where he noticed that he basically didn't know anyone here. There weren't a lot of people, he immediately spotted Suki, who was talking to an older girl, and Alva, who was standing at the bar with Lauri from their class.  
But that was it.  
The rest was ... older.  
"Who's party is that even?" Tuomas asked, shocked that Tarja probably knew so many older people.  
"See that girl over there? The one with Suki?" Tarja asked. "That's Irina. Her ... lover. Kind of. And that guy -" she pointed at a tall man behind the bar, "he's Irina's brother Tero. It's his birthday today."  
"Oh," Tuomas said. "How old -?"  
"He's turning twenty-eight," Tarja said. "So that's why you don't know anyone here."  
"Oh." Tuomas exhaled. "Good. I thought they were your friends."  
Tarja laughed and pulled him towards Suki and Irina.  
"Hi," Suki said and smiled as she spotted Tuomas. Her smile looked honest, it surprised him.  
"Irina, this is my friend Tuomas. Tuo, Irina," Tarja introduced the two.  
"Hey," Irina said. "If you want alcohol, ask Tero. I don't want to be the one causing two drunk babies."  
Tarja rolled her eyes and pulled Tuomas away from them again. "Don't mind her. She's a little bitchy. Suki says that basically no one accepts her sexuality, so she acts like a beast. So that people have a _good_ reason to talk bad about her."  
"Suki seems to like her," Tuomas commented and Tarja stared at him.  
"Wha-?"  
"She looked really ... in love while Irina was talking."  
"You can actually see that?" Tarja's mouth went open.  
"Yes. I mean, if someone's in love... it becomes visible. That person says something, you smile. That person talks to you, you melt. That person smiles at you, you feel butterflies in your stomach. That person makes your mind go wild, your mouth go dry and your heart will start to race."  
Tarja looked at him.  
"Are you in love, Tuomas?"  
Tuomas' heart stopped beating for a moment. And then, when it continued, it was racing. She looked at him, wide, green eyes, her rosy lips parted lightly. She looked ... hopeful. Oh, if he could only read her mind ...  
He looked deep into her eyes and decided tell her.  
"Yes."  
And Tarja's smile vanished.  
"I knew it," she sighed. "Damn it."  
"What?" Tuomas panicked. That clearly wasn't the reaction he had wished for!  
"I get it ... She probably has so much experience," Tarja went on, not looking at him anymore. "I wasn't sure but now I am ..."  
"What do you mean?" Tuomas asked and grabbed his friend's shoulder. "Tarja! Who are you talking about?"  
"Tiia," Tarja replied and Tuomas winced.  
"What?"  
"Don't fool me," Tarja said with a laugh. "And ... it's okay, really. She seems to like you back ... I won't tell anyone, really."  
"What makes you think I'm fond of Tiia?" Tuomas asked on.  
"She's tall, slim, sexy, blonde and adult," Tarja said. "She's smart and you're totally her favourite student."  
"I'm not into Tiia," Tuomas said. "But I'm starting to think you are."  
"No!" Tarja protested and blushed. "I just thought - Oh damn, this is so embarrassing."  
"How on earth did you think I'm -" Tuomas couldnt even end the sentence.  
"I don't know ... you it seems like you were. And Tiia likes you more than any other student. That's why I thought ..."  
"She's what, thirty? That makes twelve years of age difference, Tarja."  
"I knew a couple with thirteen years age difference," Tarja said and shook her head. "Tuo, I'm so sorry I thought that. I guess ... that's one of the reasons I was mean to you."  
"Wait, have you told anyone??" Tuomas whispered and looked around. "Suki, Alva??"  
"Oh no." Tarja shook her head again. "Of course not."  
"Good."  
"I'm sorry. I am really, really sorry." Tarja blushed. "I didn't even really think about it until she ... saved you from me for the first time. When she said I had to join the musical. Then I started observing you and you seemed to be fond of her."  
"She's my favourite teacher," Tuomas replied. "I mean she's awesome. But my heart belongs to ..."  
Tarja looked away, biting her lip.  
"Science," Tuomas said quickly.  
"But you said you were in love with someone," Tarja went on. "Whom?"  
"You don't know her," Tuomas mumbled and now he looked away too.  
Damn it.  
Damn it, damn it, damn it.  
He could have told her, now and here.  
He looked at her. She was playing with her dark locks. He looked down on her, admiring her glittering dress and the fact that she had made herself beautiful for him. Hopefully. But also if she hadn't, she simply looked ...  
"You look stunning!" he blurted out.  
Yes! Stunning. That was the word he had been looking for.  
Tarja smiled at him. "Thank you! You look really handsome too, shirts like this one really suit you."  
Tuomas opened his mouth to thank her, ask her to dance or ask her if she wanted a drink, as a tall man headed towards them and stopped right in front of him.  
"Well, well. If that isn't Tarja's little hero!"  
Tarja started shaking next to him. "Janne. What are you doing here?"  
"Hello to you too, Tarja. I'm a friend of Tero, no need to be worried. I won't disturb you anymore." He leaned against the wall right next to Tuomas, pointing at him. "Is he better in bed than I was?"  
"What?" Tarja asked and glared at him. "You're a swine, Janne."  
"No, it's fine. I know you're a dirty, little bitch and sleep with everyone who only looks at you."  
"Well, in this case, yes. He's better than you were." Tarja lifted up her chin and grinned at him. "But that's not hard, I think."  
"What, you stupid, little -," Janne started and tore himself away from the wall, raising his hand. "I'll teach you."  
And again Tuomas stepped in. He stood in front of Tarja, crossing his arms. "I'm not asking you to get past me because I know I wouldn't win," he said. "But I'm asking you to leave us alone right now."  
Janne laughed. "I'm not afraid of you, shrimp."  
"I know," Tuomas said. "That's why I'm asking you again, _kindly,_ to walk away."  
Janne grinned at Tarja. "What a hero, Tarja. You two deserve each other." And with a loud laugh he turned around and actually walked away.  
Tuomas released the breath he had been holding but quickly held it again when Tarja embraced him from behind.  
"That was awesome!" she whispered into his ear, sending a cold chill down his spine.  
He turned around and looked at her. "You really slept with that guy?"  
"Yes. He kinda ... forced me."  
"So he ... raped you? And slapped you?"  
"No, no!" Tarja shook her head. "He didn't rape nor ... force me. He - he rushed me. And he never slapped me, he didn't have the time to. It's okay ..."  
"It's not okay!" Tuomas said. "Making love is something private and you shouldn't rush it or force someone. It's one of those things you should only give to someone you trust or at least feel sympathy for. And I know you cleary didn't love him."  
"How do you know?" Tarja asked quietly.  
"I've said it before," Tuomas said. "If you are in love, it become visible. The smiles, the looks ... remember? Did you feel butterflies in your stomach when you were with him?"  
Tarja looked at him. Butterflies? So it was true, that whole myth of being in love. "No. I did not feel it ... with him."  
She prayed that Tuomas would understand what she wanted to say, that she wanted to tell him about the butterflies she was feeling _right now_ and that she finally knew what that feeling meant. But she didn't, she didn't have the courage, she was scared.  
"See? I'm glad you broke up. Now I'll get you something to drink." Tuomas placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it lightly. "What do you want?"  
"Water," Tarja whispered. Yes, she really desired water right now.  
Somehow her mouth had gone dry.


	10. Chapter 10

They didn't talk about the "girl that Tuomas was in love with" again. Tarja told herself that she didn't know her anyway, so Tuomas had told her, and that she didn't care. Why would she care, even if she knew the girl? She was happy that it was _not_ Tiia and that was it.  
The days went by and winter holidays started.  
On Christmas day, Tarja called Tuomas to wish him merry Christmas and ask what he was doing on that particular day.  
"Nothing special," Tuomas answered. "Birthday celebrations."  
"Christmas you mean?" Tarja asked.  
"No, birthday." Tuomas blushed. True, Tarja didn't know it was his birthday.  
"Sorry, I thought you just said something wrong. Who's birthday is it?"  
Tuomas swallowed. "Uhm... mine," he then said and Tarja cried out.  
"What!? You never told me! Oh my God, I feel so ashamed. Happy, happy birthday!"  
Tuomas grinned. "Thank you."  
"Damn. Now I feel like throwing a party for you," Tarja said and Tuomas panicked.  
"No - don't throw a party. Tarja, please. I'm begging you."  
"Calm down, I won't."  
It was quiet on the other line after that, Tuomas wasn't sure if he should say something. But then Tarja spoke up again.  
"What are you doing tonight?"  
"My grandparents are here, so I'll probably spend time with them."  
"Okay. And tomorrow?"  
Tuomas had no clue what she was up to.  
"Tomorrow ... nothing. Why?"  
"I don't have a gift for you -," Tarja started but Tuomas interrupted her.  
"You don't have to give me anything, Tarja."  
"But I want to. I'm your friend and I'm sure you'd also give me something. Right?"  
Tuomas blushed more. "Right."  
"Okay. Cinema. Tomorrow. You and I. And I'll invite you."  
"Really?" Tuomas' heart began to race, as usual when he spoke to her.  
"Yes, of course! Let me just check the movies. Are you in for adventure, a comedy or horror movie?"  
"Uhm ... I don't know. Maybe fantasy? And if not, then adventure."  
"Okay, wait a second," Tarja said and Tuomas could hear how she placed the earpiece aside and called her father.  
"Dad? Could you check the newspapers about movies that are in theatres now?"  
Tuomas had to smile. And then she was there again.  
"He's checking."  
"Thank you," Tuomas said. "Have you asked your father about the transporter already?"  
"Right! Yes, I did. He said that's fine but you or someone else of the guys should come over one day, so he can see if you can handle it."  
"Wonderful. I'll gladly accept the offer, Emppu might be a little to small to handle a transporter and Jukka isn't done with the license yet."  
Tarja giggled. "Imagine Emppu in a huge lorry."  
Tuomas chuckled. "I'd like to see that."  
They were quiet again and Tuomas could hear that his friend was talking to her father.  
Soon after that she talked to him again.  
"Have you seen _Forrest Gump_ yet?" she asked.  
"No but I'd like to see it."  
"So it's set. They're playing it at half past seven tomorrow, do you want to me pick me up or should I?"  
"I can pick you up," Tuomas offered, "since you already want to pay my cinema ticket. I'm sure I can have my mum's car." Tuomas knew his mother wouldn't say no if she heard he would meet Tarja. "I'll be there at seven."  
"Superb," Tarja said and sounded very serious, like an adult. "I'll be waiting for thou."  
Tuomas chuckled. After he had shown her his very first song, _Nightwish_ _,_ she had started obsessing Shakespearean English, and had even uses the word "thy" in her last English essay.  
"Okay, then ... until tomorrow, Tarja."  
"Have a nice celebration, Tuo. And say hi to your mum!"  
They ended the call, Tuomas shaking in excitement. He and Tarja would have a ... a date? Could he call it a date?  
He returned to the dining room, where his whole family was looking at him.  
"Tarja?" his sister asked with a mocking grin.  
"A ... friend," Tuomas replied and felt his face become hot again.  
"A special friend," Kirsti said with a wink. "What did she say?"  
"She asked me to greet you," Tuomas said, "and she ... asked me out again. We'll meet tomorrow."  
His family cheered and congratulated him. And Tuomas, who hated to get so much attention, wished to dissolve right there. That whole birthday attention was already too much for him!  
So his mind slowly drifted away, thinking about the fact that he would actually meet Tarja the day after... alone.

And the next day came fast.  
Tuomas had a hard time falling asleep at night but eventually he did. And the first thing he thought of in the morning was Tarja.  
He turned around, hoping to fall asleep again but of course he didn't.  
All he could think about was Tarja, Tarja, Tarja. That she had called him, asked him out, that she wanted to pay this date. Date ...  
Tuomas started shivering, thinking about this as a date. He knew she was just being nice, wanted to give him a birthday present, since she hadn't known that his birthday had been yesterday - but still.  
When he realised he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again, he got up and went down. "Morning," he yawned. His mother was awake already.  
"Morning," she said surprised. "Why are you awake? It's six in the morning and you have holidays."  
"I couldn't sleep anymore," Tuomas said and nodded as his mother offered him coffee.  
"I understand," Kirsti replied with a smile. "Tarja?"  
"Do you think she sees this as a date?" Tuomas blushed as he asked this. He had never needed his mother's help with girls before.  
"If you want to know, you have to ask her!" Kirsti insisted but Tuomas shook his head.  
"I can't! I couldn't even tell her she looked beautiful last time at the party."  
"Eventually you did. Now drink your coffee and then go upstairs to prepare an outfit. I don't want you to meet her in one of your usual outfits."  
"She never said anything against my outfits though," Tuomas replied. "She likes my music style, mum."  
Kirsti sighed. "Okay, okay. I get she's a metalhead." And then she smiled at her son. "I'll see you in the evening."  
"Have a nice day, mum."

In the afternoon Tuomas got surprised by his friends Emppu and Jukka, who were pleased to hear that they could have the transporter of Tarja's father. They brought him beer and another big birthday present:  
"We have a bassist!"  
Tuomas jumped from his bed. "What??"  
"Yes! He's a friend of Jukka, is in his ... basketball team?" Emppu looked at Jukka.  
"Baseball," Jukka replied. "He's rather new but he wore this Pantera shirt a few days ago, so I asked him if he was playing an instrument. I was it meaning to small talk, you know, maybe later ask if he wanted to check out our band, tell us what he thought about our music. But then he said he was playing bass guitar. And I instead asked him if he wanted to join!"  
"That's ... amazing!" Tuomas couldn't believe it. They had a band!  
"Yeah, man. His name is Sami Vänskä, I have his phone number here. Told him you would call him next time before a rehearsal." Jukka gave the little paper to his friend.  
"That's a wonderful gift," Tuomas said, still trying to catch his breath. "Almost as good as what I got from Tarja."  
"WHAT?!" Emppu squeaked. "Don't tell me she -?!"  
Tuomas looked at him. "What?"  
"You know? Did she ...?" Emppu made a strange movement with his hand.  
Jukka laughed.  
"I don't get it," Tuomas said. "She's going to invite me to the cinema tonight."  
"Ohh," Emppu let his hand fall down. "You are really slow, Tuo. Are you really the oldest one of us three?"  
Tuomas raised his eyebrows. "I certainly know I'm the only one who's thinking innocent here," he replied, signalling that he had indeed understood Emppu's indication but had ignored it for a good reason.  
Because, if he thought about something like _tha_ t concerning Tarja, he knew he would only get red as hell.  
"I thought about a meeting tomorrow, actually," he continued quickly. "Do you have time?"  
"Always," Emppu said. "I don't have a girlfriend after all. Jukka?"  
"Satu is here," Jukka mumbled. "You know, she only comes here from Helsinki during holidays ..."  
"The perks of dating an older girl," Emppu commented with a grin.  
"Bring her along," Tuomas suggested. "You know we need a few opinions. And I will call Sami tomorrow, after asking Tarja -"  
"What did you mean last time?" Emppu suddenly asked.  
"With what?" Tuomas looked at him.  
"You especially thanked Tarja for coming and added that not everyone of us has a lot of free time."  
"Oh." Tuomas looked at his friends, asking himself if he could trust them. Jukka definitely but Emppu loved to talk.  
"Her parents work a lot," he then said. It was better not to tell the whole truth. "And she has a younger brother who has a hard time in school because of dyslexia. She needs to look after him every day, cook for him, help him with his homework, ..."  
"Plus her own school stuff and the drama club," Jukka added and Tuomas nodded.  
"And that's not all - She had to quit her piano lessons and singing lessons because of too much stress."  
"Wow. No wonder she is so mean," Emppu said, shaking his head. "And now she needs to sing with us in the band ... does she even want to?"  
"She wants to," Tuomas said. "First she said no but her mother heard us rehearsing for the musical and insisted that Tarja had to join."  
"How nice of her," Jukka said dryly. "Knowing that her daughter carries the burden of taking care of a dyslexic little brat and still having to shine at school herself."  
"It's not her mother's fault," Tuomas tried to defend Marjatta.  
"Then whose fault is it? Tarja bullied you, Tuo, and what did you? You fucking fell in love with her!"  
"I could see through her facade!" Tuomas said loudly. "You know me, guys, you know I have a good instinct when it comes to people! Tarja is a good human, her heart is pure and so is her soul! And her parents are good people too, how dare you judging them if you don't know anything about them?"  
"She _bullied_ you, Tuomas," Emppu said again. "She put chewing gum under your desk, so you touched it, she glued your English and Maths books together, she called you things and talked about you behind your back and she even flirted with _me_ ... and you _love_ her?"  
"Damn, yes, I love her." Tuomas said right out. "I know her better than anyone. I know her better than Suki and Alva - and I also know _why_ she was so mean to me in the first place."  
"What? You got insider information?" Jukka asked.  
"Now don't tell us she actually likes you back," Emppu laughed.  
"I don't know about that," Tuomas said, "maybe? She was jealous, though. That's why she bullied me."  
"Jealous?" Jukka asked. "Uhm ... Because of whom?"  
"Tiia!" Tuomas blurted out. "Tarja thought that Tiia and I had an affair."  
His friends now stared at him with open mouths and wide eyes.  
"You and ... our Maths teacher??"  
"I'm apparently her favourite student," Tuomas said, "And since she's my favourite teacher, Tarja thought that I was ... her boy toy."  
"Crazy," Emppu said but Jukka shook his head.  
"No. Tarja is right, one could think that," he said. "Actually, maybe she might really have a little crush on you!"  
"What? You're crazy!" Tuomas shouted.  
"I'm not. She always asks you if you are okay during the lesson, she sometimes touches your arm when you ask her something in front of the teacher's desk ..."  
"Right," Emppu said. "You are definitely her favourite student but I don't think she's got a crush on you."  
"That's not what I wanted to tell you," Tuomas tried to change the subject again, but without success. His friends now talked about Tiia instead of Tarja, telling each other what they had noticed about her behaviour towards Tuomas and how they could find out more.  
"He should just kiss her," Emppu suggested and Jukka laughed.  
"He should just kiss _Tarja,_ " he said.  
"Imagine, Tuomas, having both Tarja and Tiia in your bed!"  
"At the same time?" Tuomas asked and his friends laughed more.  
"The three muske- _Tee_ -rs," Emppu laughed, emphasising the _T._ "Get me? Tuomas, Tiia, Tarja."  
"We got you," Tuomas sighed. "Guys, I think you should go now."  
"That picture was too much for our innocent Tuo," Jukka said and patted his friend's shoulder. "You'll make it. And don't worry about what you told us, we won't talk. Well, I might tell Satu but she doesn't live here anymore, so ..."  
"Tell Satu," Tuomas sighed again.  
"Until tomorrow, then," Emppu said, still holding his aching stomach. He had laughed way too much. "Let's say at seven?"  
"I'll call you," Tuomas replied and shoved the guys out of his room. "Bye and thanks for the open ears."  
"Is he mad at us?" Emppu asked while walking down and Jukka shrugged.  
"Maybe a bit. But he'll meet Tarja tonight, he won't be mad anymore afterwards."

Tarja, Tarja, Tarja ...  
Their date went closer and Tuomas asked himself if he should buy her some flowers. Or maybe that was a bit overreacting? Panicking, he jumped on his bike and drove to the store close to his house, hoping they hadn't closed.  
He was lucky and unlucky at the same time. The store did have open but they didn't have any flowers - it was Finnish December. Not knowing what to do he went through the decoration department - and spotted the perfect thing for Tarja.  
A small rose made of plastic. A rose that would never lose its petals.


	11. Chapter 11

"Tarja is currently upstairs, making herself ready," Teuvo Turunen informed the boy after introducing himself. "Do you want to come inside?"  
Tuomas nodded and stepped inside.  
Teuvo was a kind looking man with dark hair and tired eyes. He was not that tall but had a broad figure, Tuomas assumed because of his job. Even though he was taller than the man, he felt a bit intimidated by him.  
Without any reason, though, which he would soon notice.  
Tuomas just stood there, waiting for Tarja, while Teuvo just observed him.  
"And you're the keyboarder?" he finally asked.  
Tuomas nodded. "Yes, sir."  
Teuvo laughed. "You can say my name, boy. I'm not strict, only if Tarja brings home someone like this Janne again."  
Tuomas smiled weakly. "He's ... an idiot."  
"That's what I say, too. Marjatta already informed me about you, though, and she already told me that you're nice."  
Tuomas smiled again. He wanted to say something, about Janne, Tarja, school, no matter what. He was shy and he knew it but he was scared that Teuvo would think of him as unfriendly if he didn't talk. Luckily Tarja came down just that moment, smiling at her friend.  
"Thanks for picking me up," she said and hugged him quickly. "Happy birthday again."  
"Thanks," Tuomas replied, taken aback that she had hugged him in front of her father. "Let's go?"  
"Sure. Wait, I'll get my coat!" Tarja turned around, making Tuomas have a first look at her. She was wearing a dress and tights, nothing fancy, more cosy, but still her figure was heavenly hugged. Tuomas swallowed, remembering himself that her father was watching.  
Quickly he turned to him, finally knowing what to say to him. "Thank you for the transporter!"  
"Of course," Teuvo said, "I rarely need it anymore. I used to deliver a lot but people prefer furniture shops nowadays."  
"Thats true," Tuomas said. "Maybe I could drive it later?"  
"That would be a good idea. Now watch out that you won't miss the movie!"  
Tarja buttoned up her coat, asking, "When do I have to be at home?"  
"Your mother said at midnight, so I say at one. Get a drink afterwards." Teuvo smiled at them and Tarja hugged her father.

"Your dad is really cool," Tuomas said after starting his mother's car. "Mine would be like 'Naah, come home right after the movie', I guess they gave my siblings too much free space and regretted it a bit."  
Tarja laughed. "He's really cool. Also he knows how much stress I have, with school and Toni and mum and now the band ..."  
"And the musical," Tuomas added.  
"Yeah ... but it's okay. I can deal with stress, thankfully. I mean, I know I have a lot to bear but I don't feel stressed, do you know what I mean? All I care about is my mum and my brother. I won't be able to concentrate on other stuff until she ... either dies or gets healthy." She sighed. "I didn't tell you yet ... she's at the hospital again."  
"I'm sorry," Tuomas said. "How is she?"  
Tarja shrugged. "Dad drove her there this morning, I was still asleep. He told us that she couldn't sleep because of pain."  
"That's ... wow." Tuomas concentrated on the street. He didn't know what to say.  
"We'll visit her tomorrow, they want to keep her for a few days."  
"Then ... you could not join a band meeting tomorrow?" Tuomas asked carefully.  
"Depends on when. I think after four or five I'm available."  
"Seven? We may have a bassist now."  
"Really? How cool!" Tarja cheered. "Seven works fine."  
Tuomas nodded in excitement. If that bassist was good, they could start rehearsing already!  
"Did you write new songs?" Tarja asked casually and Tuomas bit his lip, thinking about _Passion And The Opera,_ which he had written the day before.  
"No, not really."  
"We have enough songs so far, I think," Tarja said. "Elvenpath, Beauty And The Beast, Nightwish, Know Why The Nightingale sings, the nameless song ..."  
Tuomas nodded. "Return To The Sea."  
"Yes, that one too. I'm really excited! Will we record a demo?"  
Tuomas smiled while he looked for a parking lot in front of the cinema.  
"Sure we will. Demos are important."  
"So excited," Tarja said again. "Imagine us playing in clubs and small stages ..."  
"Sounds horrible," Tuomas laughed. Finally he had found an empty lot and they got out of the car.  
"You have stage fright?"  
"Yeah, I do. Why do you think I'm only playing the piano at the school musical?"  
"Because you can't sing?" Tarja guessed and Tuomas laughed again.  
"That's also true. But back to your question, I have a horrible stage fright. Do you?"  
"Not that much," Tarja said. "I'm used to singing in front of people, my mother loved to lift me up in the air when I was singing. My first concert I had at the age of three, I was singing _Enkeli taivaan_ at church and my mum lifted me up, so everyone could hear me. And not even that much later, I started taking vocal lessons and joined the church choir."  
"Which you both quit last year," Tuomas guessed and Tarja nodded.  
"Same with the piano. I went from teacher to teacher, but when I was fourteen, I finally quit that too. Not because of my mother, in this case, but because of lack of talent."  
"I doubt that," Tuomas said and Tarja chuckled.  
"You've never heard me play so far ..."  
They walked inside and after Tarja had bought two tickets, they went to the hall.  
"Do you want popcorn or anything?" Tuomas asked as they had found their seats.  
"Oh, I forgot that!" Tarja said. "Let me go back, but some for the two of us -"  
"No, no," Tuomas interrupted her. "You stay here, I'll get the popcorn."  
He walked back to the snacks and bought one big box for both of them. He had thought for a while, thought if he should buy two for each of them, but then he had decided that one big box would be better. Their hands would touch, then. Tuomas' heart started fluttering as he thought about this possibility.  
Tarja had to laugh when he came back. "Are you that hungry?"  
"It's for you - and me," he stuttered. "It's cheaper this - way."  
"It's fine," Tarja laughed again. "I was teasing you. Come here."  
He sat down next to her and she instantly leaned in and grabbed a handful popcorn.  
"What else did you get?" she asked with a stuffed mouth. "From your family?"  
"Books and comics," Tuomas answered. "And money. Of course."  
"Of course," Tarja laughed. "So you're eighteen now? You're adult!"  
"I don't feel adult," Tuomas mumbled and stared at the dark screen.  
"Why not?" Tarja asked and came closer.  
"I ... you know, there are certain ... experiences that I haven't had yet."  
Tarja grabbed more popcorn. "Like having sex?"  
"Yeah," Tuomas replied quietly.  
"You didn't miss anything. It's not that special, mostly it hurts and you know that myth called orgasm? I don't know if it even exists." Tarja shrugged.  
"I don't think it has to hurt," Tuomas whispered. There were people behind them and Tarja just kept talking on normally!  
"For men, of course not," Tarja said.  
"Also for women it doesn't have to hurt!" Tuomas insisted.  
Tarja sighed. "Hey, don't worry. I know that. It's just ... everyone I've had so far didn't care about me at all. They only cared about themselves."  
"How ... how many were there?" Tuomas asked, scared that he would hate the answer. Ten or more, or too much she could count.  
But gladly Tarja answered, "Only two."  
Tuomas felt relieved. So Tarja was not like he had thought, jumping into bed with everyone who only looked at her. Everyone but him.  
"Hey, my cousin lost her virginity with twenty-five," Tarja said with a light smile. "Not because she was forced to or her religion didn't allow her ... No, she wanted to but she just never found someone who was interested in her ... Until she found him. He's her husband now and they're very happy. She now says he was worth the wait."  
"Cute story," Tuomas said and smiled. That was what he wanted for himself ... with Tarja. But she definitely wasn't interested in him, definitely not ...  
His thoughts were interrupted as the lights went out and the advertisements started. And as the movie started, Tuomas noticed that Tarja had leant her head against his arm.  
"Is that okay?" she whispered.  
Tuomas, trying to suppress his nervousness, just answered, "Yes, sure."

Two and a half hours later they walked out of the cinema building, still flashed.  
Without saying a word they walked to the car, only speaking after Tuomas had started the car.  
"How did you like the movie?" Tarja asked.  
"It was amazing," Tuomas answered, "I was at the edge of crying."  
"You did cry, I saw you," Tarja teased. "It's okay, so did I."  
"But I'm a man," Tuomas defended himself, making Tarja laugh.  
"Yes, you're quite the man." She nudged his arm and Tuomas winced.  
"Where do you wanna go now?" Tarja asked.  
"I don't know, do you want to go home?"  
Tarja shook her head. "My father said we could go for a drink afterwards."  
"Yeah, I'm not really into going to a bar and having drinks," Tuomas said. "As you know."  
"True," Tarja said. "So ... do you have an idea of where to go?"  
"I'm ..." Tuomas bit his lip. "Yeah ... I mean, I have an idea but ... it's not so nice there in winter."  
"Oh, where?" Tarja asked.  
"It's by the lake, a weeping willow. I always sit under it before the final exams, it's so calm and nice there."  
"Sounds wonderful," Tarja said. "But I guess now it's quite cold?"  
"Probably," Tuomas said.   
"Hm," Tarja made. "Should we just sit here and talk?"  
"We could," Tuomas said as he suddenly remembered the rose he had bought for his friend. "Wait a second, I've got something for you," he said and drove into a parking lot. He unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car circeled it and opened the door of the back seats, right behind Tarja. He had placed the rose there, knowing she wouldn't see it then.  
"You've got something for me? It is your birthday, Tuo!"  
He ignored her, took the flower and went back to his seat, holding the rose up. "It's for you. It's nothing, just a late Christmas present. I don't know if you like it but ... I mean, this rose will never die. When I bought it, I thought it was a good idea but now I think it's bullshit." Tuomas sighed. "You can give it to your mum or something."  
"Are you kidding?" Tarja asked and took the rose. "What a sweet but unnecessary gesture! Please tell me you didn't buy it and only found it in your basement!"  
"Uh ..." Tuomas didn't know what to say but also forgot how to think as Tarja slung her arms around him and pulled him into a hug.  
"Thank you," she whispered into his ear. "I don't really like receiving flowers 'cause they die. This is way better."  
Tuomas hugged her back gently, smiling. He couldn't believe that they were here, in the car, alone ... it was dark outside and the whole situation was perfect.  
He felt the chemistry between them.  
He had to hold his breath as he felt Tarjas fingers stroking up and down his back, stroking up to his neck, caressing the sensitive skin there.  
He inhaled slowly and felt like fainting. How could a girl that used no perfume smell so insanely good?  
He dared to lower his hands too, until they were touching her waist.  
But maybe just this was for much to her, as she pulled away from the embrace. She was smiling, though.  
"Should I bring you home?" Tuomas asked, his mouth dry.  
"No," Tarja said slowly. "Show me that special place of yours."  
"Aye aye, madam," Tuomas said, fastened his seatbelt again and started the car.


	12. Chapter 12

Of course they hadn't stayed long. It was cold and the branches of the willow had been frozen. Tuomas drove her back around midnight, after doing some more talking in the car.  
And when she got out, he did the same.  
"You don't have to bring me to the door," Tarja said with a small smile. "I can manage that."  
"But I'm a gentleman," Tuomas insisted. "And besides that, I need to test drive the transporter."  
"Oh. Sure. I'm so stupid."  
Together they walked to the house and Tarja unlocked, offering him to enter. Then she took the key out of the bowl next to the telephone.  
"Okay. Let's have a ride," she said with a smirk.  
"Uhm -," Tuomas was unsure. "Shouldn't we wait for your dad?"  
"Do you want to have a ride with my dad or with me?" Tarja asked with a wink and Tuomas closed his mouth.  
"With you, of course," he mumbled and together they went to the garage.

The car was a white VW van, the size simply perfect for drums and other instruments.  
It had only two seats but that was okay too, Jukka would soon have his driver's license and then he could drive the others in his father's car. Tuomas was excited.  
Tomorrow they would meet their new bassist and they had a transporter - now all they needed for the band was a name and some gigs. Tuomas thought about asking Tiia, for sure she would help him arranging a small concert in the school's aula. Maybe a concert on their last school day! And everyone would hear Tarja sing, would hear her beautiful voice alongside heavy metal. And they would see that Tarja and him were friends.  
"Tuo? You wanna start the car?"  
Tuomas got torn out of his thoughts. "Sure. Your seatbelt is fastened?"  
"Yep." Tarja grinned at him. "Start the engine, Mr Holopainen."  
"As you wish, Miss Turunen."  
He started the car and soon they were on the street again.  
"The handling is easy," Tuomas said. "Let me try how to go in a curve." He drove right, into a gateway. He stopped and set the reverse gear, driving back again. "This is okay, too." He turned and drove back. "I think we can do this."  
Tarja laughed. "I knew you could do it."  
"Let's go back," Tuomas said and steered the van back to Tarja's house.  
He parked into the garage flawlessly and then got out, quickly circling the front and helping Tarja getting out of the van.  
"Thanks," she giggled as she fell into his arms.  
There she was now, in his embrace, her face only inches away from his.  
"Wanna come in?" she whispered but Tuomas shook his head.  
"I should head back home."  
"Okay," Tarja said quietly.  
She smiled at him.  
He smiled back, gently. Oh, how he loved her ...  
And then she kissed him.  
It was a small kiss, just a soft peck on his lips.  
Tuomas closed his eyes, expecting more than just a peck, but Tarja pulled back again.  
"Sorry," she said.  
"What?" Tuomas whispered and opened his eyes.  
"I ... know you like this girl you haven't even told me the name of. And I just broke up with someone. I shouldn't have kissed you."  
"It's fine. It was a good night kiss," Tuomas calmed her and stroke a strand of hair out of her face.  
"Yeah, I think so too." Tarja's cheeks were red and she hoped he couldn't see it in the weak light of the garage. "Good night."  
"Good night, Tarja," Tuomas said. "See you tomorrow."  
Tarja took the key of the van and returned to her house, while Tuomas went back to his mother's car.  
His heart was racing.  
They had kissed ... well, not really but their lips had touched. Just for a second. But it was better than nothing.  
Tuomas noticed that he was grinning. Of course he felt stupid now that he hadn't told her immediately, told her that _she_ was the girl he had a crush on.  
She had kissed him.  
_She_ had kissed _him!_  
He was still on cloud nine as he arrived home, still believing that he had been dreaming. This had been by far the best birthday present of them all.

The next day Tuomas prepared chips and juice for the band meeting. He didn't know Sami yet, but if he was a friend of Jukka, he probably needed to eat just as much. At least Tuomas hoped so.  
But what he was excited about the most:  
He would see Tarja again.  
The time went by slowly and around half past five he got a phone call.  
It was Jukka, asking if Tuomas had already talked to Tarja's father because of the transporter.  
"It's a small van but it should be enough for your drums," Tuomas answered. "I did indeed, yesterday. I even had a test drive already."  
Jukka was quiet, then he said slowly, "Do you think we could use it today? I'd like to use my drums in your garage ... Satu is coming too, you know, and she wants to see us play. Really play. And Sami wants to bring his amplifier."  
"Oh, okay ... I'm sure that won't be a problem. But what about Tarja? She won't be heard if you use your drums and guitars."  
"Well, I don't know. Don't you have a microphone anywhere?"  
"Not really but maybe Tarja does." Tuomas bit his lip. Damn! Having a band was way harder than he had thought. "I'll call you back okay?" he said and hung up, dialling the Turunen's number fast. And luckily she was the one to pick up.  
"Tarja, it's Tuomas."  
"Hi, Tuo."  
Tuomas could hear that his friend was smiling. "Sorry to disturb but I have a really important question - Do you think we could have the van today? Jukka wants to try his drums along my songs."  
"I think so. I mean, my father is still at the hospital with my mum ..." Tarja went quiet.  
"How is she?" Tuomas asked carefully and Tarja sighed.  
"Could be better. I'll tell you later, if you come here. We could pick up Jukka's drums together."  
"Wonderful. I'll be there in twenty minutes. And if you have a microphone, bring it along!" Tuomas hung up, suddenly excited. He hadn't even waited for an answer, he realised as he dialled Jukka's number. And as his friend picked up, he just said, "Get your drums ready, we'll be there in half an hour!"

"You said something about a microphone," Tarja greeted him at the door. "I have one but the speaker is too heavy."  
"I'll help you. Open the van, please," Tuomas said and wanted to enter the house, as Tarja took his arm.  
"Tuo ... I wanted to apologise. Because of yesterday."  
"There's nothing you could apologise for," Tuomas said softly and Tarja's smile faded.  
"Yeah ... I get you. Nothing happened." She looked away.  
"What? No!" Tuomas slowly realised what had gone wrong. "No, I didn't mean it like that. You shouldn't apologise for... kissing me."  
"But I feel bad. It's like I've only used you to get over my last relationship. My mind says I should just be single for once but somehow I don't want to ..."  
Tuomas' heartbeat fastened. "I feel you. I guess it's nice to be in a healthy relationship."  
"As far as I can tell, I never had one," Tarja said. "A healthy one. But yes, I think it's nice." Then she smiled. "Does your crush like metal?"  
Tuomas looked deep into her eyes, hoping she would finally get it. "Yes."  
"Lucky you. Maybe you could invite her to our first gig," Tarja said with a wink. She didn't look sad. Why didn't she look sad?  
_Because_ _she_ _doesn't_ _want you,_ Tuomas told himself.  
"Where's the speaker?" he asked, his mouth dry. "I'll help you carry."

As promised they arrived at Jukka's house thirty-five minutes later. Sami was there too and after introducing everyone, they carried Jukka's drums and Sami's amplifier to the back of the van.  
"And there's still enough space for my keyboard," Tuomas said with a satisfied smile.  
"Please drive carefully, I don't want you to hurt my baby!" Jukka said and closed the back doors.  
"If your drums are your baby, what am I to you?" Satu asked and crossed her arms, making everyone laugh.  
"See you later, Satu," Tarja said after getting back into her father's van. "Finally a girl," she said after Tuomas and here were driving again, carefully, of course.  
"But you're getting along well with guys," Tuomas said. "Everyone can see that. You have many male friends and you like to play soccer ..."  
"I'm not a girly girl, yeah," Tarja replied. "You know why. The girls in my former class..."  
"They bullied you," Tuomas remembered. "And the boys didn't?"  
"Not at all. They were really cool, actually. With one of them I had my first time."  
"Oh," Tuomas just said. He wasn't eager to hear the story but Tarja went on.  
"It was actually after a soccer match. One guy of the team had a broken arm and couldn't play, so they asked me to play instead of him. It was a mixed team, there were two other girls besides me. And well, we won! Because of me. I scored three goals." Tarja smiled. "My former boyfriend was so proud ... he was in the team too and after the party he took me upstairs and ..."  
"Was it a bad timing?" Tuomas asked, even though he already knew the answer.  
"The timing was wonderful. And I thought I loved him. But ..." Tarja sighed. "He didn't know how important ... you know ... foreplay was. He just immediately started."  
"Oh."  
"Yes. It hurt terribly and I cried. I had started to bleed."  
"Oh my god ..."  
Tarja sighed again. "He was so mad and after a few weeks and a few more tries he broke up."  
"What?" Tuomas shouted. "What the hell, he was mad at you??"  
"He thought I was a cool girl, more like one of the guys. And then I was there, lying in his bed, helpless and like a girl ..."  
"This is the worst bullshit I've ever heard," Tuomas said. "First of all, you were not helpless! It was your first time and he was an asshole for not respecting that! And second, what did he think? You _are_ a girl, not only 'like a girl'. Hell, you're a woman! You're not helpless, you're a strong woman and I admire you." Tuomas looked at her. "Why are you smiling?"  
"Never has any guy said something like that about me," Tarja replied. "I guess I'm simply shocked that there are still men out there who actually respect women."  
"I'm rather shocked that there actually are men who do not respect women," Tuomas said and shook his head. "I have the greatest respect of you, Tarja. You've gone through hell."  
"I wouldn't say hell," Tarja said quietly. She was still smiling and her heart was pounding fast inside her chest. After the kiss the night before she hadn't been able to stop thinking about her friend. The shy, cute, sweet and selfless Tuomas. Exactly that one had just told her that she was a strong woman and that he respected and even admired her. Tarja was on cloud nine, just like after the kiss. When she had simply sat down on the floor after he had left, cursing herself for kissing him and hoping he wouldn't hate her now, but at the same time happy that she had dared to take this opportunity. His lips had tasted like vanilla. She didn't know why, maybe he had been wearing lip balm? Tarja had sat there, licking her lips and remembering how he had looked at her just before she had stood on her tiptoes, pressing her lips on his.  
He had looked ... gentle. And caring. He had smiled. And his eyes had moved between her eyes and lips. This had been the reason why Tarja had kissed him in the first place.  
"Anyway ..." she spoke up again, "I'm sorry. For taking you by surprise. Won't happen again."  
"It's fine, really," Tuomas said, his eyes fixing the street. "Actually ... your lips tasted really good."  
Tarja blushed. "So did yours ..."  
Tuomas smiled and started humming _Elvenpath_ _._ Maybe this day would end with another kiss. Tuomas was keeping his hopes up.


	13. Chapter 13

It didn't take long for Tarja to call Tuomas again. The next day already she did, on the 28th of December.  
"Did you like Sami?" Tuomas asked immediately, right after his mother had told him who was asking for him on the phone.  
"I'm not sure, did you?" Tarja asked. "We didn't talk a lot."  
"I thought he was a little weird." Tuomas sighed. "Tarja - I really hope it was the right decision to take him in."  
"I'm sure it was, Tuo," Tarja tried to calm him. "And if not, let's look for another bass player. That's not a big deal."  
"It is. There aren't so many good musicians in Kitee. And I want the best ones for my band!"  
Tarja smiled. "You think I'm the best?"  
"You're the best of all of us," Tuomas admitted. "Sorry. You wanted to ask something, right? That's why you called ..."  
"Oh, right, I wanted to ask you what you're going to do on new year's eve," Tarja remembered. "So ... what are you going to do on new year's eve?"  
Tuomas laughed. "Nothing. Celebrating with my family. Why?"  
"Caaause I'll throw a party. And I want you to come."  
"You'll throw a party?" Tuomas asked. "In your house?"  
"Garage," Tarja said. "Suki and Alva will come and maybe Suki's girlfriend. And I thought of inviting Emppu and Jukka and Satu - and Sami if you want to. But you'll have to definitely come."  
"In that case I'll come," Tuomas said.  
"Which case?" Tarja asked a little confused.  
"I thought you'd throw a huge party," Tuomas answered lowly. "Like those parties you always attend to."  
"They're horrible," Tarja said. "We'll play board games and not drinking games. Of course my father will buy alcohol for me but just so we can clink glasses at midnight. Are you in?"  
"Well, definitely," Tuomas replied and Tarja let out a little squeal.  
The squeal made Tuomas smile.  
"I'm so excited!" his friend called. "It'll start at eight and we'll have pizza. Would be nice if you could tell the guys and Satu and ask them which pizza they'd like to have. And then call me again. Okay?"  
Tuomas smiled. "Okay. Sounds nice. Thanks for the invitation, Tari."  
Tari.  
Tarja's breath got stuck for a second. No one besides her mother called her that ...  
"Sure. Glad you accepted. Call me later, bye." Slowly she hung up, her heart pounding fast. It had felt strangely good ... that he had called her Tari.

Later he called her, telling her that Emppu, Jukka and Satu gladly accepted the invitation. He had also asked Sami, only because he didn't want to seem unfriendly, but he had declined anyway.  
"Great!" Tarja said after nothing down the pizzas that the guys and Satu wanted. "Superb. That makes ... eight people. That's a good amount for a nice little party, right?"  
"Definitely," Tuomas replied. "I can't wait anymore."  
"I'm so excited!" Tarja agreed. "Should we ... meet before that?"  
"I'd really love to, but the next two days I can't," Tuomas sighed. "But I would love to come earlier before the party and help you preparing everything!"  
"Oh, that's so sweet," Tarja said. "And I'll gladly accept. Thank you."  
"What about if I came around four?" Tuomas suggested. "We could do some shopping together, buy drinks for the party."  
"Sounds nice," Tarja said. "But it's not possible. I'll be with my mum until around six. After that my dad and I will go shopping."  
"Oh. Well, then I'll come at six!"  
"Half past six would be better," Tarja said, sounding as if she wanted to apologise. "I would love to spend more time with you, really."  
"No big deal.  
"Another time," Tarja promised. "Until then."  
"Yeah, until Saturday," Tuomas answered and they hung up.  
It was strange how addicted he had become to his friend. He had no idea what to do the next three days without her ...

It turned out that the little break wasn't as bad. Tuomas had written two new songs, _Lappi_ and _The Forever Moments_ , played them non stop on his keyboard, accompanied by his sister. Kirsti couldn't hear it anymore, especially because Susanna couldn't sing.  
"Why don't you sing instead of her?" she asked the evening before new year's eve. "I bet you could do it better."  
"Maybe. But I need a female voice for rehearsing and Tarja hasn't got time."  
"Such a shame," Kirsti said. "But you might sing on your future concerts, right?"  
"Well I did write a song with male leas vocals ... but Emppu wanted to sing before Tarja. I guess I'll let him sing the song."  
"Have I heard it already?" Kirsti asked.   
"No, we didn't rehearse it yet. It's called _Beauty And The Beast._ "  
"Sounds promising." Kirsti nodded and sighed. "What's going on between Tarja and you? I know you like her but does she know?"  
"She doesn't," Tuomas replied. "But I think ... She might like me too."  
"She'd be stupid if she didn't," his mother said. "Why don't you just kiss her tomorrow at midnight?"  
"Mum! I can't just ... No!"  
"Your father and I shared our first kiss under the new year's firework."  
"Really?" Tuomas knew he wouldn't dare. "I don't know ..."  
"You can think about it."  
"How did it happen? Between Dad and you?"  
"He said he wanted to properly see the fireworks from a little hill, so we went there at half an hour before midnight."  
"That's all?" Tuomas asked. "He just asked you to be alone with him?"  
"But you forget, I was interested in him too. That was the reason I agreed."  
"And if I try and she says yes," Tuomas started, "and I get my hopes up but in the end she only agreed to come with me because we're friends?"  
"You will never find out if you don't try," Kirsti said and added, "Isn't it strange for you to talk about those things with me?"  
Tuomas shrugged. "I don't think so. You're a cool Mum, I like talking to you. And you like Tarja, so I guess it's fine."  
Kirsti smiled. "Yes. You two would make a cute couple ... and I would get gorgeous grand-children."  
"Now it's getting strange," Tuomas laughed. His cheeks were burning. "I'll go upstairs - see you tomorrow."  
"Good night," Kirsti laughed too.  
She had no idea what she had caused in her son's stomach.  
Having children with Tarja?  
Tuomas had never noticed how much he wanted that but right now he had realised it. Having children with Tarja meant sleeping with her. This would mean being together with her. At least in most cases.  
And Tuomas desperately wanted to be with her.

"Hi!" Tarja greeted her friend the next day. "Come in! We're already decorating. Timo is here too and he brought his girlfriend along, so were far more people than expected. My dad will spend the night at the hospital, with Mum, but Toni will also stay with us. So we're eleven people, means eleven pizzas. Woah! We better order it now already!" She laughed. She laughed so happily, that Tuomas sensed something was wrong.  
"Everything okay?" he asked carefully.  
Tarja stopped laughing. "No," she said. "Mum's really sick. She's mostly sleeping now and if she wakes up, she cries in pain. I don't think she will survive this."  
"I'm sorry." Tuomas placed his hand on her shoulder.  
"I want to have a party tonight," Tarja said, "not to think about my Mum all the time. Am I a bad daughter?"  
"Not at all," Tuomas said carefully. "But you know what I think? We should have a drink. I know you said you don't drink but ..."  
"Good idea," Tarja immediately said. "My dad stores some vodka and rum I'm the basement. We could mix a Piña Colada."

One and a half hours and more than one Piña Colada later, the first guests arrived - Tarja's brother Timo and his girlfriend Eliisa.  
Timo laughed about his already a little drunk sister and scolded Tuomas for giving her drinks.  
"I only put a little rum into the drink," Tuomas defended himself. "Tarja just can't bear alcohol."  
"Seems so," Timo said. "Go on easy, little sister. Where's Toni?"  
Alva, Suki and Irina were the next ones to come. It turned out that Irina and Suki were officially a couple now, as they announced it, Tarja started to cry happily. Tuomas had to drag her away from the party.  
"I'm so happy for them," she sighed into his shirt.  
"That's it, no more Coladas for you," Tuomas said and stroke her head. Secretly he enjoyed her current state.  
Emppu, Jukka and Satu were the last ones and as they arrived, Tuomas called the pizza delivery service and ordered their eleven pizzas.  
"You're all invited!" Tarja announced almost two hours later, after the pizzas had finally arrived. It was almost eleven o'clock and Tarja barely couldn't stand anymore. At some point of the party Tuomas had caught her sneaking into the kitchen and secretly drinking rum out of little shot glasses. He had to drag her back to the party, where he asked her what was wrong.  
"Well, what do you think?" Tarja sighed, not sounding completely sober anymore. "My mother will die."  
"You don't know that," Tuomas tried to calm her. "You just said that the doctors ... what ecactly did they say?"  
Now Tarja looked at him directly, her eyes were full with tears. "They said they give her a month."  
"Oh." Tuomas was speechless. Just one month ... that was nothing. And how should Tarja survive this?  
"Yeah. That's why my dad is with her now. They're planning a vacation before she ..." She swallowed. "Don't tell anyone. And Toni and Timo don't know."  
"Timo should know about it," Tuomas said quietly. "Sure, Toni is too young, but him ..."  
"I'll tell him tomorrow," Tarja said. "Look at him. He and Eliisa look so happy ... I don't want to destroy that."  
"Tell him tomorrow," Tuomas agreed.

It was ten minutes before twelve.  
Tuomas had no idea when and where to he should ask Tarja, so he just remained quiet. He couldn't take advantage of her anyway, the poor girl was too drunk.  
Only a few seconds later though, she took his hand and pulled him out of the garage, right into the house.  
"Come with me," she whispered. Toni had already gone to bed half an hour before, he had been too tired already.  
Quietly they snuck away and upstairs, into Tarja's room.  
"I've never been in your room before," Tuomas realised. He had to smile as he saw the Whitney Houston poster on her wall but besides that it was kept plain and simple.  
"Come," Tarja pulled him further, out on the balcony. "You can see the fireworks from all over Kitee here."  
"Really?" Tuomas asked and held his breath when Tarja made him stand behind her, took his arms and slung them around her slim body in front of him.  
"Hold me like that," she mumbled.  
They remained like this until they heard the countdown from the garage below.  
"Four! Three! Two! One! _Happy new year!_ "  
And the fireworks started.  
Tuomas smiled as Tarja turned her face to him. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were shining.  
"Happy new year," she whispered.  
And Tuomas leaned in. "Happy new year ..."  
Tuomas was about to kiss her. He wanted to, he had really intended to.  
But he didn't do it.  
Because, when their lips were only a few millimetres apart from each other, Emppu called them.  
"Tuomaaaaaaas! Tarjaaaaaa! You're missing the fireworks, come down here!"  
Tuomas cursed his friend as they pulled apart.  
"Mh," Tarja only said.  
"Yep," Tuomas mumbled and sighed. "Let's go down."  
"Yeah. Let's have some more Coladas."  
Tuomas laughed. "Not for you, dear."  
"Well, that's a problem 'cause I want more. I guess you'll need to stay here tonight and look after me."  
Once again Tuomas' heart leaped. "What?"  
"You could sleep in my parent's bed. That's fine. My dad said two of my friends could have it, I guess he was thinking of Alva and Suki. So ... will you stay here?"  
"Do I have a choice?" Tuomas whispered with a wide smile.  
Was he dreaming?


	14. Chapter 14

Tuomas woke up in the middle of the night. At first he didn't know why had awoken and where he was, but suddenly he noticed that someone was breathing next to him.  
Carefully he turned around and spotted Tarja's face in the weak light of the clock radio, which showed 04:34.  
"Did I wake you?" she whispered. "Sorry. I couldn't sleep."  
"No problem," Tuomas whispered. "It's only half past four, so I wasn't asleep for a long time. Why couldn't you sleep?"  
"My mind is turning. Because of the alcohol and my feelings. I guess drinking wasn't a good idea after all."  
"It never is," Tuomas mumbled. "Which feelings do you mean?"  
"My mother," Tarja sighed. "I don't know what to do if she dies ... when she dies, I mean. It's already certain that she will."  
"I know how you feel. Well, not exactly but ... my aunt died a few years ago. It was in a car crash, so it was unexpected. And of course she was my aunt, not my mother but ... she was my favourite aunt. And my cousins lost a mother."  
"I'm so sorry," Tarja said. "What happened? If you want to tell me?"  
"She ... she was drunk and drove against a tree," Tuomas whispered. "So it was her own fault ... But still it was horrible and unexpected."  
"Oh my God," Tarja whispered and crawled closer to him.  
"She wasn't immediately dead. They tried to save her life but didn't succeed. According to paramedics she begged that they would kill her."  
"Sounds like suicide," Tarja said and after a long pause Tuomas said,  
"They say it was."  
"Oh my God," Tarja said again and wrapped an arm around his body, pulling herself closer. "Why ...? If you don't mind me asking."  
"One of my cousins, Kerttu, told me it was because of her ex husband. I don't know exactly what he did because I never got to know him but Kerttu said that he hit her, bribed her and told her he would kill her if she told anyone. It was four years ago and I still can't stop thinking about it."  
"Means I won't stop thinking about my mother when she's dead," Tarja said quietly and Tuomas started stroking her head.  
"Of course you won't," he said. "And that's good. You wouldn't want to forget your mum, right? What I'm trying to say is, you'll eventually know how to deal with her death. It will be hard first ... and then it will be easier. There will be a few times you will wish her back because you'll think that she's the only one who can help you but that's not the case. Your father is here, your brothers are here and your friends are here. I'm here. I'm even here with you right now, so don't think I would go so easily. I ... I will never turn away from you."  
"Thank you," Tarja whispered. "You're the best friend I've ever had. I can't believe I was so mean to you ..."  
"Forgiven and forgotten," Tuomas said with a happy smile. "Now we're friends."  
"Mhm," Tarja made and hugged him tighter.  
Tuomas didn't stop stroking her for a long time. He enjoyed holding her and that she wad holding him, he enjoyed how his hand caressed her head and played with her soft hair. The clock showed 04:56 as he spoke again.  
"You're so beautiful," he whispered gently. "Do you even know how beautiful I think you are?"  
He held his breath but Tarja didn't answer. He decided to go on, tell her everything he had been wanting to tell her for such a long time.  
"I ... I am totally smitten with you, Tari." He inhaled and waited but still she didn't answer, so he went on. "You're amazing, stunning, smart, funny and lovely. Your voice is incredible and I think ... I mean I _know_ that I love you." He closed his eyes. "I can't believe I just said that ... well, you're probably not going to remember anything but yes, I love you. The moment I first saw you coming into our class I totally fell -"  
A quiet snore interrupted him.  
"Or you don't even hear me," Tuomas sighed. "Maybe that's for the better. It's too early. I can't tell you yet. And it's the wrong time, you're worrying about your mum."  
Tarja snores in reply. It was so quiet and cute, Tuomas noticed how he fell in love with her even more. He longed to hear this snore every night.  
"Good night, my love. See you tomorrow."

They slept until mid day.  
They probably would have slept longer, if Timo hadn't looked for his younger sister to tell her that he had cooked lunch, noticed that her room was empty, and started looking for her. And then he had found them, in his parent's bedroom, cuddled up in the double bed.  
"I can't believe it," he said loudly. "Tarja? Are you out of your mind?!"  
Tarja opened her eyes and groaned.  
"Damn, Timo ... my head is aching!"  
"Of course it is, thinking of how much you drank last night. And Tuomas -"  
He noticed that the boy was awake now too.  
"How could you take advantage of her like that? I really liked you first."  
"What are you talking about?" Tarja asked and got out of the bed. "Nothing happened, Timo. See, I'm fully dressed and so is he."  
"You know, you actually can get dressed afterwards," Timo said. "Damn, Tarja, I know you have sex and it's okay - but seriously, in the bed of our sick mother?"  
"I would never and you know that!" Tarja shouted. "I offered Tuomas the bed and as I couldn't sleep, I got in there to talk. Then I fell asleep -"  
"Cuddled against his body?" Timo crossed his arms and Tuomas saw how Tarja's face turned red. Anger or embarrassment?  
"Yes, we cuddled!" she now screamed. "I needed comfort since our mother is dying! Happy now?!"  
"What makes you say that!" Timo scolded his sister. "The chemo works fine and she'll be healthy by the beginning of next year -"  
"You know nothing," Tarja said, quiet all of a sudden. "The chemo doesn't work anymore. She quit it. She'll be dead by the beginning of next year."  
"What?" Timo's question was simply an exhale, he had totally lost his will to shout.  
"She had to quit the chemo a month ago. And now she's dying. The doctors give her one more month."  
Timo and Tarja looked at each other for a long time and Tuomas could see every kind of emotion wander over the man's face, until he shook his head.  
"Eliisa and I will go the hospital now. I cooked some food ... eat as much as you want. Toni is watching TV."  
"He doesn't know anything," Tarja said. "So please -"  
"I figured," Timo said and looked at Tuomas. "I'm sorry what I said. You're a good guy."  
"It's fine," Tuomas said. "I would have thought the same."  
"See you later," Timo just said and left the room.  
Tarja went to the door and closed it. "That was ... so embarrassing. I'm sorry, Tuo."  
"I totally get him," Tuomas. "I mean, we were cuddling ... under the blanket."  
"Sorry about that, too." Tarja avoided his look. "Sorry about ... last night when I tried to kiss you and sorry about -"  
"Stop apologising," Tuomas said and got out of the bed, walking over to her. He took her face between his hands gently and leaned down, touching her lips with his. "Sorry for that," he then whispered and Tarja laughed quietly.  
"Don't be ..."  
They looked at each other.  
Tuomas thought about kissing her again, longer and maybe deeper. His heart jumped at the thought of kissing her deeply but somehow this wasn't the right time. And it wasn't the right place, definitely not.  
"Let's go downstairs," he suggested and let go of her face.

After lunch he called his mother, apologising for not calling her earlier. "We had so much fun at the party, so in the end I stayed. I just woke up."  
"I guessed as much," Kirsti laughed. "It's okay, stay as long as you want to. Did you kiss her?"  
Tuomas sighed. "Yes."  
"You actually did?! And?? How did she react??"  
Tuomas laughed again. "Good."  
"So are you together now?" Kirsti asked on.  
"I don't think so," Tuomas lied. He knew they weren't but truth be told, he didn't want to tell his mother about the details. That they had slept in the same bed but nothing had happened (she probably wouldn't believe him anyway) and that the kiss they had shared had been merely a small peck.  
"Why not?" Kirsti asked on.  
"She was a bit drunk, mum. I didn't want to ... you know," Tuomas said quietly. He knew she would stop asking if she knew that Tarja hadn't been exactly in a state of knowing what was happening.  
"I understand," his mother simply said. "Well then, come home tonight. Your brother is coming today."  
"Really? Oh, that's cool!" Tuomas said happily. He hadn't seen his brother in months, he was working at one of the best hospitals all over Finland, in Turku, and rarely came come. "I'll be there, see you." He hung up before Kirsti could tell him that he should bring Tarja along.

"Your mum's okay with everything?" Tarja asked before she shoved a whole cabbage roll into her mouth. "I love these," she sighed. "Timo makes them so awfully good."  
Tuomas laughed and tasted as well. "They're delicious," he confirmed. "And yes, she's cool with that I spent the night here. She just wants me to come home tonight, Petri is coming back."  
"Who is ...?" Tarja asked slowly.  
"My brother."  
"You have a brother?" Tarja asked. "I only knew about your sister Susanna!"  
"Sussu is officially still living at home, that's why. She's twenty-four and studying in Savonlinna, while Petri is already thirty-two and living in Turku."  
"Oh, I see. So your brother is - uh - fourteen years older than you?"  
"Yep. How old is Timo?"  
"Like Susanna," Tarja replied and grinned. "If he hadn't a girlfriend we could set them up together."  
Tuomas laughed. "That's an idea. Tell me if they break up."  
Suddenly Tarja went quiet. "I don't know if I should have told him about mum like this."  
"He provoked you," Tuomas said, "You just defended yourself."  
"I just can't believe he thought I would have sex in my parent's bed," Tarja whispered, since Toni was in the living room. "My bed is big enough for that. I think I should have let you sleep in my room."  
Tuomas felt the heat creep into his face. "True, I could have slept on the floor -"  
"I meant in my bed." Tarja avoided his eyes. "It's not a double bed but a broad single bed."  
"Oh." Of course Tuomas knew but he hadn't thought about that. "By the way ... how do you feel?"  
"I can eat," Tarja said. "Glad you made me exchange the drinks with plain water after midnight."  
"Glad you listened to me," Tuomas chuckled. "I had one really bad hangover once and I didn't want you to feel like that."  
"When did you drink so much?" Tarja giggled.  
"Phew ... That was about two years ago. My cousin Oskari celebrated his stag party and man, there was a lot of alcohol. I tried everything and next thing I know was that I woke up on the couch of my other cousin, Kerttu. They said they've found me under the table at two in the night. I didn't know how I got there. I hadn't stopped vomiting until five I'm the evening, that day."  
"Sounds ... wow. Sounds horrible," Tarja said. "I only feel a little sick and my head aches. I guess I'll have a shower later and then go to bed again."  
"Best idea," Tuomas agreed and continued eating. Though the cabbage roll almost got stuck in his throat at Tarja's next question.  
"Wanna stay until I'm done with showering? We could play a card game or watch a movie or just talk ... until you have to return home."  
"Oh, wow. I mean, that's a great idea, I'd love to."  
They smiled at each other.  
"Perfect. So I'll first have a shower, then spend time with you and then I'll sleep some more," Tarja said and Tuomas nodded.  
"Sounds like a plan."


	15. Chapter 15

Tuomas waited for Tarja in her room.  
Timo and Eliisa hadn't returned from the hospital yet and Toni was busy watching television.  
At first he had only sat on the bed and stared at the ceiling, then he started walking around in her room, looking at the pictures on her desk.  
Most of them showed Tarja as a kid and with her family, Tuomas had to smile about her cuteness - and the fact that she had been blonde. Tarja and Timo with baby Toni, Tarja and her parents. The pictures with Tarja and her mother pained his heart, especially because Marjatta still had hair on the pictures. She hadn't been sick yet, or at least not started chemotherapy.  
There was one picture of Tarja together with a girl he hadn't seen before, Tuomas assumed she was a friend of her former class.  
And then there was a picture of Tarja ... on a horse.  
He took the picture, his mouth open. Tarja was riding too?  
The horse was beautiful, it was small, rather like a pony, but deep black and it fitted perfectly with Tarja. Tarja looked really happy on its back. The picture was old though, Tarja looked like she was only seven or eight years old.  
"Found my pictures, I see," a voice tore him out of his thoughts and Tuomas pit the frame back to her desk quickly.  
"Yes, I -," he started but forgot to continue as he saw Tarja - only clad in a towel.  
"I forgot my clothes in my room, sorry. I'll be back immediately."  
"I'm - I'm sorry," Tuomas stuttered and squeezed his eyes shut quickly.  
"Come on, you don't have to look away," Tarja said with an amused tune in her voice. "I'm not naked."  
"Beneath your towel you are," Tuomas said and carefully opened his eyes again.  
"Beneath clothes everyone's naked," Tarja commented dryly and turned around. Pressing her flat hand against the towel to prevent it from falling, she knelt down and opened the lowest drawer of her closet, fishing out some underwear. "Did you find something interesting?"  
"Yes," Tuomas breathed, glad about the change of subject. "You're blonde."  
"Guilty," Tarja said. "Didn't I tell you I had changed my hair?"  
"Yes, true, you told me. Somehow I couldn't imagine it, so I simply forgot it." Tuomas blushed. "For me you're just ... dark haired."  
"Same here, I hate my blonde hair. As soon as I turned sixteen I started dyeing it."  
Tuomas swallowed. She was still wrapped in only her towel.  
"And ... you were horse back riding?"  
"I was, actually," Tarja laughed. "Once. I loved it but could never convince my parents to get lessons. Do you know how expensive they are?"  
"I do," Tuomas said but Tarja obviously didn't hear him.  
"200 Mark! My parents said they couldn't afford such luxury. Of course I understand that now but as a kid I was really sad."  
"Would you like to ride again?" Tuomas asked.  
"Yes! Totally. I will, as soon as I earn my own money."  
"Why not now?" Tuomas asked and Tarja snorted.  
"Uhm - I don't earn money now? And my family is not exactly rich, you know?"  
"Yes but ..." Tuomas took a deep breath. "We have a horse. A Thoroughbred. Susanna got her a few years ago, she spent every day with her to train her but now that Sussu isn't in Kitee that often anymore, she's mostly in the stable. The stable owner's riding her every now and then and sometimes Sussu comes back only for her. And ... She told me I could ride her too. I already did a few times but lately ... I was busy." Again he blushed lightly. "Anyway, her name is Svari and I think Susanna would be happy if we would use our free time to care about her." Tuomas ended and Tarja was still staring at him. "Tarja?"  
"You ... you have a horse?" she breathed.  
"Susanna has a horse," Tuomas corrected his friend.  
"Okay. And your sister ... would allow me to ride it?"  
"She would not only allow, she will want you to ride her," Tuomas said. "Susanna is still spending time here until the day after tomorrow, I can ask her if we could go tomorrow all together -"  
Tuomas was interrupted by Tarja rushing towards him and slinging her arms around him. She was now pressed against him, probably so the towel wouldn't fall. "You're amazing," Tarja whispered into his ear.  
Tuomas closed his eyes and placed his hands on her waist, as usually, when she hugged him. And, same as last time she had hugged him like this, he let hands travel up and down her back. "You're wearing only a towel," he mumbled. He wanted her to let go of him, otherwise she would feel what kind of reaction she caused on him.  
"Should I remove it?" Tarja asked innocently. She sounded totally serious.  
"What? No ..." Tuomas swallowed.  
"Why not? I guess you've never seen a naked woman before. In reality. Am I right?"  
"Yes," Tuomas admitted quietly.  
"Don't you think it's time?" Tarja locked her eyes with his. "Or don't you want to see me?"  
"No," Tuomas said and Tarja's face fell. "I mean - no, it's not time yet."  
"Oh," Tarja whispered. "So you want to see me naked?"  
"Yes," Tuomas moaned quietly. "But not like this. You're my friend and we aren't together."  
Without listening to his reasons, Tarja stepped away from him - without holding her towel. And it fell.  
Tuomas closed his eyes again the same second.  
Tarja laughed. "I knew you'd do that. I know you so well."  
"Tarja, please. I won't peek, just ... get dressed."  
"Okay," Tarja said innocently and Tuomas could hear how she opened and closed her closet. After a while she said, "I'm done."  
"I don't believe you," Tuomas said. "Come here."  
"What are you up to?" Tarja laughed and came to stand in front of him, only wearing jeans but nothing covering her upper body.  
"Take my hand and place it on your shoulder. I want to feel the fabric."  
Tarja laughed even more. "You're unbelievable!" Her heart was racing fast, how cute was he? He wanted to see her but he knew it wasn't time yet. Because they weren't together ... yet. She took his hand.  
And moved it to her left breast.  
As soon as Tuomas touched it, he knew that she still wasn't dressed. "Tarja ..."  
"What?" she whispered. "Don't you want me?"  
Tuomas couldn't answer. Yes! Oh, how much he wanted her. But not here, not like this. He pulled his hand away. "I have to leave," he said.  
"No," Tarja said quickly. "Sorry! I didn't want to ... Oh my god ..." She went back to her closet and got dressed, this time fully. She went back to him, grabbed his and and placed it on her shoulder without a word.   
Tuomas opened his eyes and saw that Tarja's were full with tears.  
"Tari," he whispered gently and pulled her close.  
But Tarja refused and pushed him away. "I'm so stupid. I thought ... I mean, you kissed me and I kissed you and then we almost kissed again and we slept in a bed together ... and then I think I feel your erection and ... Oh god. I am so stupid! How could I imagine I felt something like that? There's still this mysterious girl you like ..."  
She let herself fall on her bed and Tuomas swallowed. He could either go on lying or now say the truth ...  
"I was," Tuomas started and swallowed. "That was no imagination."  
"You were what?" Tarja mumbled.  
"I was erected."  
Now Tarja smiled. "I know. You're not the first guy I'm with. Besides that I am not with you in the sense of ... you know."  
"Yes," Tuomas mumbled and took a seat on the bed, right next to her. "I lied to you."  
"What? When?" Tarja stared at him.  
"Now. Before. Yesterday." Tuomas took her hand. "There is no other girl I like. There's only you."  
Tarja didn't say a word.  
"I made her up because I was scared you'd hate me if you knew about my feelings. But now I'm not scared anymore." He smiled. "But ... I am not ready for a relationship. I'm still scared of everything. Being with someone, kissing, having sex ... I don't want to rush it. If I love, it's forever."  
"Wow," Tarja whispered. She had expected anything but that. "I know you're shy and somehow introverted ... But this ..."  
"Yes. As I said, I hate rushing things. I want to be sure of everything and ... as much as I hate to say this, my number one priority is finishing school ... and then the band."  
Tarja nodded. "You're right. The hell, I just ended a relationship and already want to jump into the next arms that open themselves for me!"  
"My arms will always be open for you," Tuomas said gently and to prove her, he wrapped his arms around her.  
Tarja closed her eyes. What had he said? If he loved, he loved forever.  
Did that mean he loved her?

Tuomas walked to the next bus stop with a satisfied feeling. He had not directly told her what he felt for her but she was smart enough to find out. And he now knew that she wanted to be with him.  
Now the only thing that Tuomas needed to do was kissing her, as soon as he thought that the time had come. He wasn't ready yet, no matter how much he _wanted_ to be. He knew he would feel it as soon as he would be ready.  
But he didn't know that he'd be ready sooner than expected ...

The next day Tuomas and his sister Susanna picked Tarja up at two, ready to go to the stable. Tarja was excited, after all she would finally fulfil herself a dream, and Tuomas was nervous, since only a day ago he had had the naked body of this beautiful young woman in front of him, had touched her, had spoken about his feelings to her.  
He smiled at her and she smiled back, happy about having this wonderful man in her life.  
After yesterday Tarja had realised that it was more than just a little crush. The butterflies in her stomach had turned into birds now, big birds, probably eagles, her hands became wet when he was close and her mind began to turn. She wanted him. Not craved for him, no. She needed him. She had hoped he would react like any guy who was allowed to touch her and had been disappointed first, because he had rejected her. But then again she had been glad, he simply wasn't like any other guy. He wanted her too ... but not like this. He wanted a relationship but wasn't ready yet. If he loved, he loved forever.  
Tarja couldn't stop thinking about this sentence.  
Did he love her?  
"Looking forward to Svari?" Susanna suddenly asked, the silence in the car was deafening her.  
"Very," Tarja commented. "Thanks for taking me with you."  
"Of course. I wanted to meet that mysterious Tarja, my brother always talks about."  
"Sussu..." Tuomas warned but Tarja had to laugh.  
"Where's the justice, Tuo? You know everyone of my family now but I don't know your family yet. Only your mother and now your sister."  
"Dad doesn't know her yet?" Susanna asked, obviously shocked.  
"Nope," Tuomas said. "He's always at work and Tarja doesn't stay overnight at our house."  
"Tarja, I'm inviting you to our house tonight," Susanna took the initiative. "Not to stay overnight but to watch a movie with Tuomas. You'll meet our father and our brother."  
"That's nice, thanks," Tarja said and grinned at Tuomas. "See? It's that easy."  
"And then you can make your relationship official," Susanna continued joyfully.  
"Eeeeeh, Sussu, we aren't together!" Tuomas said loudly. Could this be any more embarrassing?  
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess mum told me the wrong thing then."  
Yes, it could.  
Tuomas swallowed, exactly knowing what his mother had told her. "Yes ... I think mum likes to tell stories."  
"She wants us to be together," Tarja suddenly said. "She told me."  
"What??" Tuomas stared at her.  
"On the phone, before I invited you to my new year's party. She said like, 'I like you a lot, Tarja, and Tuomas does too. I would be sooo happy if you and him could be a couple.' ... that kinda scared me, to be honest."  
"Mother," Tuomas said through gritted teeth, while Susanna laughed loudly.  
"Calm down, Tuo. You know it's not the first time she's making stories up and trying to push two people together. You remember Petri and Eerika? Let's just forget what we just talked about and concentrate on Svari. She's really calm, Tarja, you will love her. She's quite tall though, you might have problems to reach her back but together we'll make it. And if you like her, you can visit her whenever you want to."  
"That's so great," Tarja replied, her eyes resting on Tuomas.  
His cheeks were flushed and he was staring out of the car window strictly.  
She longed to take his hand but Susanna would notice and she didn't know if he wanted that.  
She wondered why he had blushed, because of what his mother had said? But what exactly had Kirsti told Susanna?  
Tarja wanted to know what it was.


	16. Chapter 16

Tuomas had almost fallen asleep during History, if Emppu had woken him up.  
It was their first day of school after their Christmas holidays and everyone was still in holiday mode.  
"You got a letter," Emppu had suddenly mumbled and Tuomas had been wide awake. A letter? He took the small piece of paper, hoping that the teacher wouldn't see him reading something.  
His heart jumped as he saw who it was from.  
_Date with Svari today? :-) xo Tarja_  
"Svari? Susanna's horse?" Emppu asked and Tuomas nodded, before he wrote back, _Sure_ _._ _Let's_ _go there right after school. If_ _you're_ _hungry, you can eat with us._  
He gave the paper to Emppu, who leaned back and gave it to Alva, who passed it back to Tarja.  
"You write each other love letters?" Alva whispered and winked at her friend, who blushed almost immediately.   
"They're not love letters. You can read them if you want to." To prove the Swedish girl that she was actually right, she unfolded the paper.  
"Svari?" Alva whispered.  
"A horse," Tarja whispered back and smiled. "She's a ... I forgot the name of her race. But she's white, which is apparently very rare for that race, and she's very calm. She liked me immediately and I think she was sad when I left."  
"Aww," Alva made. "How sweet. Are you and -"  
"Alva!" their History teacher suddenly called. "Tarja! What's so important that it can't wait until after the lesson?"  
"Animals, sir," Alva said bluntly and the class laughed.  
"Ah, well, in that case I understand," the teacher said bitterly. "Alva and Tuomas, please change your seats."  
Without a word the two stood up to change their seats and as Tuomas turned around, he could spot a wide grin on Tarja's face.

"You know that's it's just for our History lessons," Tarja said quietly.  
They had met during their free hour, in the auditorium. They enjoyed their time together so much, they didn't want to be disturbed and besides that, they enjoyed to play the piano together.  
"Yes I know," Tuomas whispered and touched her hands instead of the keys, moving them to the right keys. He let go of her hands again and let her continue. "Would it be so awkward to ask every teacher if we could sit next to each other?"  
"Yep," Tarja said. "Very awkward. Is that the right key?"  
"Not at all," Tuomas said. "Your fingers need to be stretched more."  
"I'm trying," Tarja moaned. "Look! I'm stretching them."  
They were so deep in their piano playing, they didn't hear the footsteps approach.  
"You need to stretch them more. Look at mine." He showed his hand to Tarja.  
"That's not fair, you're a man. You have bigger hands and longer fingers, off course you reach the keys easier than I do." Tarja sighed. "Okay. I'm trying again. Is that the right key now?"  
"I don't know," Tuomas said with a smile. "Try."  
Tarja pressed the key. "Okay ... it's obviously not." Again she sighed. "Do you have a name for it already?"  
"No," Tuomas admitted. "It's the only song I haven't got a name for yet. I guess I'm just waiting until ... I don't know. A muse kisses me."  
Tarja smiled. "I could be your muse ..."  
Tuomas laughed and took her hand. "You _are_ my muse, Tari," he said fondly and moved her hand up to his lips, kissing her fingertips gently.   
"You two?" a sudden voice said and Tarja and Tuomas turned around. Tiia was standing behind them, her arms crossed and a wide grin on her face. "Damn! I didn't guess that. Well, Tarja - I think I have to apologise for everything I've said to you."  
"And I have to thank you," Tarja said. "Without you I wouldn't have realised how great Tuomas is ..."  
"Just don't hurt him," Tiia warned the girl.  
"I would never," Tarja said and squeezed Tuomas' hand.  
Tiia smiled again. "Congratulations. These are great news, really. Now I regret that I didn't force you two to play as Erik and Christine."  
"Oh, you don't regret that," Tuomas laughed. "You know I can't sing."  
"Yes but ... ahh." Tiia cracked her knuckles. "Sorry. I just think you two are a perfect couple."  
"Thanks," Tarja said, before Tuomas could tell her that they weren't a couple.  
"I better leave now. See you two tomorrow in class," Tiia excused herself and went out of the auditorium again.  
"You still don't like her," Tuomas guessed after the door was shut.  
"I don't know," Tarja said.  
"You said we were a couple," Tuomas continued. "Do you still think she ... likes me?"  
"I don't know," Tarja repeated and shrugged. "Really. I guess I just said that because I wanted to show her that her opinion about me was wrong and ... that you're not available anymore."  
"Tarja, my dear Tarja," Tuomas whispered and took both her hands. "Look at me, my sweetheart." Tarja had to smile. "I am not available to anyone but you. I've never been that. I've always only had eyes for you and that will never change."  
"Promised?" Tarja asked quietly and Tuomas leaned forward, kissing her lips.  
Gently, softly, without deepening it, but for a longer time than the last times.  
"I promise," he whispered as he pulled away. Tarja's eyes were closed. Tuomas had to smile.

The days and eventually weeks passed.  
Tarja and Tuomas met every day, either at Svari's stable, where they took long rides together, both on the back of the tall horse.  
Sometimes they played the piano together and Tarja slowly got better and better, thanks to Tuomas' patient teaching. Together with him she liked piano playing, it was always funny with him and this way they were close to each other and had to touch.  
Of course they also saw each other at band rehearsals, which was not as great as it sounded. Tuomas rarely had time to even look at Tarja during the rehearsals, since their new band member, Sami, already gave them first troubles after a few weeks, as he came to the rehearsal in a drunken state.  
Tarja's mother didn't seem to recover but she also didn't feel worse and slowly Tarja had hope again.  
Time passed.  
And the school musical came closer.  
Tarja got more nervous with every rehearsal, no matter how many times Tiia told her how perfect she was in her role and that everyone should act and sing like her. Also she complimented her and Tuomas' harmony together, because now, after some private rehearsals, Tuomas played Carlotta's songs better than any other song.  
More days went by and finally the big day had come.  
It was a rarely warm evening in April and Tarja's father picked up the very sick Marjatta from the hospital. They put a headscarf around her bald head, she put on some make up.  
"Do I look good enough for the musical?" she asked her daughter, who had tears in her eyes as she saw her mother in the car. She hadn't expected her to come along.  
"You're so beautiful," she whispered and hugged her mother tightly.  
"Oh, Tarja." Marjatta kissed her daughter's head. "I'm so proud of you."  
"And I'm proud of you," Tarja replied. "Let's go, I can't be too late!"

It was amazing.  
Everything felt so unreal as Tarja stepped on the stage. She felt alone, she couldn't even see the audience because it was dark there, only the spotlights were directed at her.  
She could on see the other actors ...  
And Tuomas.  
Thank God she saw Tuomas, who smiled at her.  
And suddenly she forgot that she wasn't alone with him, every other person was forgotten, and there was only Tuomas, who started playing.  
And Tarja sang.  
Tuomas had goosebumps as soon as she sang the first note, she had never sung any more perfect than today. And so he gave everything, played even better than usual.  
It was perfect.  
The applause as they ended was deafening.

After the musical they gathered on the stage. Everyone hugged, happy that they made it, while the audience was still applauding.  
"Ladies and gentlemen," Tiia said into the microphone, "thank you so much for being here today! This is Anna as Christine and Emil as Erik!"  
Applause.  
"A big applause for our pianist Tuomas Holopainen!" Tiia continued and the audience roared and cheered as Tuomas waved into the crowd.  
But Tiia wasn't done yet. "And also very special thanks to this wonderful girl - Tarja Turunen in the role of Carlotta!"  
The applause when Tarja stepped forward was deafening and for the first time in her life, Tarja felt good. Really good. Like she was at home on the stage, she enjoyed the applause, she bathed in the applause and was flashed about how those people accepted and even liked her.  
Wow.  
And as she turned around, she almost ran into Tuomas, who was standing right behind her.  
"Sorry, Tu-," she started but went silent as she was her friend's look.  
He just placed his hand on her cheek, leaned in and pressed his lips on hers.  
And all of a sudden, even the loud applause was gone and there were only Tarja and Tuomas. Kissing.  
Tarja wrapped her arms around her friend and pulled him close. And finally there was more than just a shy kiss. Tuomas' tongue begged for entrance in her mouth so she parted her lips, letting his tongue touch hers.  
She moaned quietly.  
This. This was heaven.  
After felt hours they pulled apart, slowly realising that they weren't alone.  
"Tuomas," Tarja whispered.  
Tuomas had to smile. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips were red. He caressed her perfect jaw.  
"I love you, Tarja," he whispered. "I love you so much. Please be mine."  
Tarja felt how her heartbeat fastened. She suddenly felt like fainting.  
"I am yours," she whispered back and wanted to kiss him again, until she noticed that the audience had stopped clapping. Obviously they tried to listen to their whispered conversation.  
Giggling she grabbed her boyfriend's hand and pulled him behind the stage, where she kissed him again.


	17. Chapter 17

Soon after the musical performance Tuomas talked to Tiia about a gig in the aula. At first she was sceptic, doubting if people would like to hear a beginner's metal band, but Tuomas could convince her after all. Later he noticed that she had given in as soon as she had found out that Tarja was the lead singer.  
"Okay," she had sighed after Tuomas had told her. "I'll let you rehearse on stage and I'll help you with the technic and everything. But I can't promise that there'll be as many people as at the musical.  
"I wasn't sure about that either," Tuomas had told her. "My parents like our music and so does Tarja's mother ... but who says they simply don't like it because we're their children? So I planned a little concert. There's a little street party in Tarja's street in Puhos and Tarja I asked the organising people if they had some music planned. They told us about radio and CDs they had, so we just asked them if we could perform a few songs with our band. Maximum three songs, in case they don't like it. And that we would do it for free. They were thrilled! We're going to perform on the first Saturday in May, from eight to about half past eight, if you want to come too."  
"Sounds nice, actually," Tiia had answered and smiled at Tuomas. "You can talk quite a lot. I always thought you were shy."  
"Hm," Tuomas said. "I am ..."  
"You just asked strangers of you could perform at their street party," Tiia pointed out and Tuomas shrugged.  
"Tarja was with me, so it wasn't that bad."  
Tiia smiled even more. "You know what, I'm going to come. So on May 7th at eight? I'll be there."  
"Great," Tuomas said. "Puhos. You won't miss it!"

Tarja smiled and closed her eyes.  
His hands were caressing her nose, her cheeks and her lips.  
"You are so beautiful," he mumbled and kissed her gently. "I wish we could spend all day inside your room and just cuddle."  
"Yes," Tarja sighed. "I love making music with the band but even more I love being with you."  
Tuomas stroke his girlfriend's head. He couldn't believe he was with her, finally. They were kissing, caressing each other, holding hands. He had only told her that he loved her one time, that time on the stage, but that was okay. Tarja understood how much effort it had cost him to say it and she could see the love in his eyes. How he looked at her ... so gentle and so caring.  
"I'm afraid we need to get up, though," he sighed. "We are the ones who have the van."  
"Yeah," Tarja moaned. "At least we can be alone in the car for a while."  
"You still don't like Sami a lot," Tuomas said and Tarja shrugged.  
"I think he drinks too much. And the way he talks about women - I don't like it."  
"Hey. I'll be there with you." He took her hand. "And if you want to, we can make our relationship official."  
Yes. They had kissed on stage. But no one of the band had been there, no one else of their class besides those few students who had been in the musical. If they had told anyone what had happened, simply no one cared. Fact was, not Emppu nor Jukka had actually asked them about their kiss, no one had commented on them being together. And after two weeks Jukka had even asked Tuomas if he had told Tarja about his feelings for her already.  
Tuomas had negated, surprised that they really didn't seem to know.  
But Tarja seemed glad about it.  
"That's good," she had told him. "Relationships within a band can be complicated. Let's not tell them!"  
"They have to know one day," Tuomas said. "I mean, Jukka and Emppu know what I feel for you ..."  
"But they don't know what I feel for you," Tarja had said and smiled at her boyfriend. "Please! I've never had a secret relationship."  
Tuomas had laughed. "Okay ... what exactly do you feel ... for me?"  
Tarja had only kissed him in reply.  
And that was it.  
Only Tarja's and Tuomas' family knew about their relationship now. Oh, And Tiia and about one hundred other people from Kitee who had been at the performance - but didn't really care because they didn't know them.  
But the band - which still had no name yet - didn't know. And after almost a month it still felt exciting for Tarja and Tuomas.  
They held hands whenever the others couldn't see them, they occasionally left the room to make out, they flirted with their eyes if the others were present. They loved to have their own little secret and they wanted to keep it for a while.  
And they had succeeded.  
That day in May had come fast, faster than expected.  
"Nah ... Let's not tell them yet," Tarja decided on their way to the van.  
"Sure," Tuomas said. "When do you want to tell them?"  
"Hmmm," Tarja thought about it. "What about if we had a concert in another city and we need a hotel room ... And you and I decided for one hotel room together?"  
"Telling them to save money?" Tuomas laughed and kissed her cheek. "Sounds like a plan. Only that I can't tell you when we are going to have a concert in another city. Could last years."  
"This is only our first real gig," Tarja said. "Maybe they like us and faster than we can look we're playing in the Hartwell areena!"  
"Oh, I doubt we'll ever play there," Tuomas muttered.  
"Doesn't matter, we rock anyway. Which songs did you decide for?"  
A few songs had been shortlisted until only an hour ago, until Tuomas finally had decided.  
"First _Elvenpath_ , then _Know_ _Why The Nightingale Sings_ and finally _Nightwish_. I hope they'll let us come until Nightwish."  
"I'm sure about that," Tarja said and climbed into the van. "Have trust in me."  
"You're not the one I don't trust," Tuomas said with a small smile and started the car. "Let's go."

As they arrived at Jukka's house, the boys were already waiting with their instruments. "Finally!" Jukka called as they got out of the car. "We've already put the amps and cables into my dad's car."  
"Good idea," Tuomas said, eyeing the transporter. It could get quite hard up for the drums to fit into he van, let alone the amplifiers. "Do you think you'll make it, Jukka? You only got your license two days ago."  
The drummer laughed. "Those ten kilometres? I think I'll make it."  
"If we die," Sami said, "I want to give my bass to my cousin."  
"We won't die," Emppu said. He didn't sound like the usual Emppu, excited and in a good mood; to Tuomas he sounded quite strange.  
"Everything alright, Emppu?" he asked carefully, making his best friend look at him in horror.  
"No, Tuo! This is going to be our fucking first performance!"  
"Don't panic," Tarja said and walked over to the tiny man, wrapping her arms around him. "I'll give you some of my energy."  
"Thanks," Emppu muttered. His eyes wandered to Tuomas, who was smiling.  
"Could I have some energy too?" Sami asked and Tuomas' smile faded.  
"Sure, why not?" Tarja said, obviously not seeing why Sami had asked her. He closed his eyes as Tarja hugged him - but quickly opened them again.  
"You smell like a man," he said.  
Tarja backed away. "You smelled me??"  
"Sorry," Sami replied with a grin and now his eyes wandered to Tuomas too. "Did she use your deodorant?"  
Tuomas opened his mouth to say something, but Tarja was faster.  
"I have a boyfriend."  
"What?"  
Now Jukka was also looking at Tuomas, who stared on the ground. He didn't like the attention, even though it was only from his band mates.  
"Yeah," Tarja said. "You didn't know yet. We're together for three weeks now ..."  
"Congrats," Emppu said, though it didn't really sound honest. "That's great. Tuomas?"  
"Yep, it's great," Tuomas said dryly. "Congrats, Tarja."  
Emppu sighed and Tuomas tried not to laugh.  
"What's his name?" Jukka asked. His eyes were darting between Tarja and Tuomas, who didn't look at each other. What had happened?  
"Tommi," Tarja replied. It had been the only name that had come to her mind that quickly.  
"Really?" Sami laughed.  
"Is it his nickname?" Emppu asked. "Short for Tuomas?"  
"No, his name is Tommi," Tarja said and turned to Tuomas. "I should have told you earlier ... you're my best friend after all."  
"It's okay," Tuomas said quickly. "Let's move on, please."  
"Sure," Emppu mumbled. He felt sorry for his friend - of course without a reason.

"Their faces were hilarious," Tarja laughed as they were in the van once again. They had successfully stuffed the drums into the van and now they were on their way to Puhos. "They all know what you feel for me, huh?"  
"Emppu and Jukka do," Tuomas said. "Sami ... I don't know. Maybe the guys told him."  
"I don't think so. Otherwise he wouldn't have asked me to hug him."  
Tuomas smiled relieved. So she had noticed that Sami hadn't asked her to hug him just for fun.  
"I also don't like him a lot," Tuomas admitted. "For now I'm just happy that his playing is good ... but I will look for another bassist."  
Tarja nodded. "Are you nervous?"  
"Somehow ... no," Tuomas said. "You're there. Everything will be great."  
"You sound like I was a wizard or a fairy," Tarja said and shook her head. "I'm not even sure if my dress is okay!"  
"You're a goddess and an angel," Tuomas commented and smiled as he saw Tarja blush. "And your dress is perfect. It makes your eyes shine even more."  
Tarja pulled on her dark red dress. "Really? I've always thought that only bright colours make your eyes shine ..."  
"Maybe your eyes just shine in general," Tuomas said and placed a hand on her knee.  
"Tuo - the steering wheel!" Tarja said.  
"Don't worry, I'm able to drive one handed," Tuomas said but put his hand back, he didn't want to scare her.  
"Mhh," Tarja started after a while. "I've thought about my clothes ..."  
"Yeah? What about your clothes?" Tuomas liked her style, she was mostly wearing tight pullovers and tight jeans. She looked very sexy in them.  
"My stage clothes," Tarja went on, "in case we will ever have a gig. I need new things. We're a metal band."  
"Mhm," Tuomas made. "Like leather jacket and leather pants?"  
"Yes, exactly," Tarja said. "And maybe ... Maybe a corset."  
Tuomas laughed shortly. "A corset? That's ... not really healthy for your body, Tari."  
"They _weren't_ healthy once, Tuo, two hundred years ago or so. Corsets now are different and don't squeeze your intestines out of place anymore. Also I would only wear it for gigs."  
"Okay, okay," Tuomas said. "But where would you buy that?"  
"There's a sex shop in Savonlinna -"  
"Wow!" Tuomas interrupted his girlfriend. "I can't go into a sex shop with you."  
"Why not?" Tarja asked. "Besides - I'm too young anyway."  
"I don't know, I think I wouldn't feel comfortable," Tuomas muttered. "So whom will you send to the sex shop?"  
"I don't have to send anyone, I just need an adult person by my side, in case they ask for my ID."  
"Sooo?" Tuomas asked. "Whom are you thinking of?"  
"My mum," Tarja sighed. "I'll visit the sex shop with my mum as soon as we got some gigs, no matter where."  
"What?" Tuomas laughed. "Are you serious? You asked her and she agreed?"  
"No," Tarja groaned. "She suggested it! She did! I told her I wanted a corset and _she_ suggested the sex shop!"  
"She's crazy," Tuomas laughed and shook his head.  
"I think she wants to do everything with me before she dies," Tarja said quietly. "She even suggested a trip to whatever country I wanted to go ..."  
"She really gave up hope then?" Tuomas asked and Tarja sighed.  
"We all did. At least we are prepared ... I think."  
Tuomas shrugged. "You're never prepared for your mother's death."

Tuomas had thought there'd be more people, fifty at least. He counted twenty-five and at least five children of them. Three of them were Tarja's parents and brother, and one was Tiia, so there were only sixteen strangers who had never heard them play before (and who counted as real audience).  
"Are you ready?" someone whispered into his ear and he turned around to see Tarja's beautiful face right behind him. She had been at home while the boys had built up the instruments on the little podium in the grass, to apply some dark make up. She looked gorgeous ... But her smile faded as she spotted their teacher. "What is Tiia doing here?"  
"I might have invited her," Tuomas said carefully and Tarja rolled her eyes.  
"Okay, that's fine. She shall hear us play."  
Tuomas smiled. "I'm ready."  
"So am I. Let's kick some asses." Tarja giggled.  
The clock struck eight.  
One last check if the microphone worked and Tuomas stepped on the little podium.  
"Hello," he said nervously. "I'm Tuomas and this is my band ... we are very new, so we don't even have a name yet. We've planned to sing three songs, which are written and composed my me." He saw how Tiia's mouth fell open. Hadn't she known about his songs? "If you don't like us, we'll stop right after the first song ... But I hope you'll give us a chance. We're a bit different than other rock bands ... we have Tarja. I guess you all know Tarja." He grinned at the blushing girl, who hadn't suspected a speech about her. And she was even more surprised as someone of the crowd shouted:  
"Tarja is the best singer in Puhos!"  
"Tarja is the best singer in North Karelia," Tuomas added and the crowd applauded. Tarja swallowed. What if she failed? Forgot the text? Froze?  
"Anyway, our first song is called _Elvenpath ..._ Enjoy!"


	18. Chapter 18

The weeks went by and soon the whole school knew about their band. Of course, since they didn't have a name yet, people kept giving them ideas, good ones, bad ones, everything was there. Tuomas wanted a name that sounded like a beautiful fantasy and a mystical dream but it had also to fit with the music style they had.  
In the end Tarja had been the one to come up with the idea of naming their band the same as one of their already existing songs:  
Nightwish.  
Since Tuomas liked the name of the song, he promised her that he would think about it.  
Tiia helped them preparing for the concert in the school aula and the principal gave them the opportunity to rehearse there too. And every time more and more people came to listen. It seemed as if everyone of Kitee wanted to help them with becoming famous.  
Tuomas wrote more songs and one day he wrote a new masterpiece.  
He wrote it for Tarja and he called it _Forever_ _Yours_ _._  
That special day he wanted to tell her what he felt for her. Wanted to tell her how much he loved her, that he was ready to go further.  
But Tarja wasn't coming to school.

The whole day he worried about her, she was his girlfriend and no one knew what was up with her, not even the teachers.  
After school he thought of visiting her but he decided to call first, in case they weren't at home.  
And really - no one picked up at the Turunens.  
Tuomas started to become really worried, even his mother noticed that something wasn't right with her son.  
"Tarja didn't come to school today," he explained after Kirsti asked if everything was okay. "And no one's picking up at her home."  
"Maybe they're all just busy," Kirsti tried to calm Tuomas down. "Nothing happened, Tuomas. I'm sure."  
But something had happened.

Tuomas noticed at night as he closed his Donald Duck comic and wanted to go to bed. It was almost midnight and Tarja hadn't called yet, so Tuomas had decided that it was senseless to wait longer.  
But suddenly the door bell rang.  
Quite confused he stood up and walked towards the door - who would ring the doorbell at quarter to midnight?  
He snuck to the door and unlocked it, opening it just a few centimetres, just to see enough who it was.  
It was Tarja.  
"Tari!" he breathed and ripped the door open, getting even more surprised as he noticed her red and swollen eyes. "What's wrong, baby?" he whispered and pulled her inside. "Love, what happened?"  
Tarja just shook her head and buried her face in his chest.  
"Can I stay here tonight?" she sobbed quietly and Tuomas hugged her.  
"Of course ... of course. Any time."

He felt nervous.  
Not even his mother knew about his relationship with Tarja, what would she say the next day?  
He decided to worry about it later and snuck her upstairs. She had brought her whole stuff, pyjamas and toiletries, so she had planned staying.  
But she wouldn't tell him what had happened.  
After they had brushed their teeth they went to bed, cuddling each other other one blanket.  
"Tell me what's wrong now," Tuomas whispered and Tarja shrugged.  
"Just had a fight with my father."  
"Tari, baby. You didn't come to school today."  
"I felt a little sick," Tarja tried to shrug it off again. "Could you get my mind off it now?"  
"With what? Want to play a game?" he was joking but Tarja took it serious.  
"Yes, I want to. It's a very special game and it involves removing clothing."  
Tuomas' heartrace sped up. Yes, he had thought he was ready but right here? Right now?  
"Tari ..."  
Tarja was coming closer, caressing his skin with her lips. "Take me," she whispered into his ear and pulled his earlobe with her teeth. "Now. I want you."  
"And I want you," Tuomas said, "but not like that. You're clearly forcing it, baby. So, what's wrong?"  
Tarja sighed and moved away. "Something happened," she said quietly. "Last night. The doctors say at three thirty ..."  
"Tarja, what happened?" Tuomas asked and took her hand.  
Deep inside he already knew.  
Tarja closed her eyes and whispered:  
"My mother passed away."  
Tuomas hugged her tight, as his suspicion got confirmed.  
"Oh, Tari ... I'm so sorry."  
"It's alright, we've gotten prepared," Tarja sniffed. "But today was a really hard day. She was at home. At midnight she woke up with a sting in her chest and we all went to the hospital together. We've been waiting but they lost her in the operation room. We literally had no sleep at all and then we had to choose a coffin and tomb stone and when she would have the burial while we were still mourning ..." Tarja shook her head. "It was awful. The whole fucking day I couldn't wait to be with you. Sorry I didn't call."  
"It's okay," Tuomas mumbled and kissed her hairline. "I'm glad you're fine. I was scared that something had happened to you."  
Tarja sighed. "I'm really sorry. I just couldn't ... I cried all day long. Only last week she went to that sex shop with me." Tarja laughed awkwardly. "She was feeling fine and she definitely bought me the sexiest pieces, saying you would like to see me in them. I told her, then. I told her that we're a couple. She was so excited ... and now she's ..." Tarja swallowed. "She liked you so much."  
"I liked her too. She was a wonderful human." Tuomas hugged her even tighter.  
"I couldn't stay at home. Dad isn't talking anymore, he's just staring at the floor ..."  
"He lost his wife, Tari."  
"And I lost my mum." Tarja buried her face in Tuomas' chest. "Hold me."  
And Tuomas held her, rocked her softly, kissed the top of her head.  
After some minutes of silence, Tarja spoke up again.  
"Tuo, can I ask you something?"  
"Anything," Tuomas replied gently.  
"Don't you want to sleep with me?"  
"What?" Tuomas pulled away, staring at her.  
"I don't know why I have that feeling but we've been together for a while now and -"  
"Two months," Tuomas interrupted her. "I know you've been sleeping with your former boyfriends quite immediately and that's not what I want for both of us. I want to have a beautiful firs time for us, not a forced one."  
Tarja smiled. "I thought that men are only thinking about sex."  
"Some definitely are," Tuomas said, "and I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about having sex with you. A lot." Tuomas grinned. "But now wouldn't be the right time and not the right place. Tarja, I want to make it special for you and for me. I want to show you that I love you."  
"You already show me," Tarja mumbled and kissed his lips.

The next morning Kirsti caught her son sleeping on the couch.  
"Did you fall asleep there?" she asked after waking him up.  
"Yeah," Tuomas lied. He had went down half an hour before his parents had woken up.  
"Did Tarja call?" Kirsti asked gently and sat down on the couch, looking at her son.  
"No but -" Tuomas took a deep breath. "She came over at midnight. She's upstairs."  
"She is?" Kirsti asked. "And you're down here?"  
"Mh, yeah," Tuomas said, not looking at his mother.  
"Alright," the blonde woman said. "You would have fitted in your bed together."  
_I_ _know_ _,_ Tuomas thought but he just shrugged.  
"Why did she come over?" Kirsti asked and Tuomas sunk his head.  
"Her mum didn't make it. She ... died."  
"Oh no," Kirsti said and covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh, that poor girl ..."  
"She cried a lot. Maybe you don't speak to her about it ..."  
"I won't," Kirsti said. "Will she go to school today?"  
"I don't think so," Tuomas said. "Not today, I guess. I really want to let her sleep as long as possible."  
Kirsti nodded and smiled at her son. "You should stay at home too."  
"What?" Tuomas asked a bit shocked. "We're having a test today!"  
"Which you can do tomorrow too," Kirsti said. "Stay here for Tarja today."

Tuomas went to his room on his tiptoes.  
Quietlt1he opened the door but Tarja was awake.  
"Hey," he said gently. "How are you?"  
"For a minute I thought it had only been a dream," Tarja commented. "Did you tell your mum?"  
"Yep and guess what she said," Tuomas said and laid down next to her. "I may stay home today."  
"What?" Tarja laughed. "Oh, I love her."  
"She loves you too," Tuomas said and took his girlfriend's hand. "We should tell her ..."  
"We should. But not today," Tarja decided and lifted their hands up to her mouth, kissing Tuomas' knuckles. "So, are we going to ride Svari today?"

 _One_ _month_ _later ..._  
School ended faster than expected.  
Tarja had survived her mother's funeral and then their next challenges were surviving the exams and applying to colleges.  
As Tuomas got a letter from the army, he thought long about whether to join or not. It would only be for a year and Tarja would be studying at the Sibelius, so they wouldn't see each other often anyway.  
After talking to his mother, Tarja and Emppu about it, he decided to join for that one year, forgetting about their band for just a year, concentrate on his future. Tuomas still wanted to study Biology, yet he thought that having a band would probably bring him further. What would he do with a finished Biology degree?  
He had talked to Tarja about it and asked her if she wanted to stay in the band, to which she had agreed happily.  
But first they had to pass another big test:  
Their performance in front of the whole class.  
The five young adults had picked out some very special songs for the line up:  
_Elvenpath_ at first, of course, _Know Why The Nightingale Sings_ came next, followed by _Beauty And The Beast, Astral Romance_ and a new song that Tuomas had written. It was called _Sleeping Sun_ and they had never played it before. They were rehearsing it secretly, wanting to give their audience a big surprise. Their last song would be _Nightwish_ again.  
Six songs were a good amount for a school concert, the band thought and hoped that the students wouldn't hate them too much.

The contrary happened.  
Before the concert, Tuomas almost threw up, Tarja couldn't talk to anyone, Jukka wouldn't stop pacing and Emppu and Sami were discussing guitar riffs.  
The whole situation was tensed and as Tiia announced "a really great local school band", he really felt like he would throw up right there.  
But then they went on stage and the audience clapped.   
They started the intro of Elvenpath and the students cheered.  
And as Tuomas looked at his love, he knew they would rock the stage.

 _A few h_ _ours later ..._  
"This is it," Tuomas whispered into her ear. "This is the right time and place."  
"Really?" Tarja whispered back, her chest trembling in await.  
Tuomas nodded. "I love you, Tari. And I want you fully."  
"Then make me yours." Tarja smiled so breathtakingly, Tuomas could hardly believe she was his. Slowly he kissed her exposed chest, her right breast, her nipple, her stomach.  
"Tuomas?" Tarja whispered. "What are you doing?"  
"Pleasing you," Tuomas mumbled and parted her legs. "Just relax."  
Tarja was surprised. No one had ever wanted to do ... _this_ before.  
She leaned back and closed her eyes, suppressing a moan as the tip of his tongue touched her most sensitive spot.  
But then she remembered that they were alone. No one was on the island with them. They were totally alone.  
Tarja breathed harder as he started sucking gently.  
The sensation was so new to her, she didn't know how to handle it. And then she was starting to sweat madly, wasn't able to hold back her moans and sighs anymore, didn't know where to put her hands.  
And after a while she finally came.  
Finally she knew how an orgasm felt.  
And finally she knew what love making felt, she realised it as Tuomas entered her and locked his eyes with hers.  
Tarja's eyes and mouth were wide open, the feeling of him inside of her was just too much.  
It didn't hurt, not at all. It felt beautiful and perfect. She felt loved and still exhausted (in a good way) from her previous first orgasm.  
Tuomas smiled at her and she slung her arms around her boyfriend, finally telling him back.  
"I love you too ..."


End file.
